Saturday, 12 October 2019

block his cock


      I've never fancied what we term 'fair coloured' guys...I've never dated any...never found any of them attractive...don't get me wrong..lots of them are nice to look at but I'll rather just flirt with them or just be friends...not for any particular reason,just for the simple fact that I'm just attracted to 'dark-skinned' guys...but these days I deliberately steer clear off of them cos plenty of them have most likely bleached their skin,or what those in denial wana term 'toned' their skin...and I dunno what's worse;their uneven skin tone coupled with dark spots all over, against the dark knuckles or the pungent smell that comes with the consequences of #bleaching..speaking of uneven skin tone,I wonder how bleached testicles and penis would look like..did u know someone actually created a cream specifically for the dark knuckles?..it's called,brace yourself, KNUCKLE-CORRECTOR!!.just can't wrap ma brain around it!...come to think of it,maybe I should start recommending knuckle-correctors for those obnoxious douchebags men I run into on a daily!..they'll need it to 'correct' their  stick-up-the-ass behaviours!...just saying!
      You know the saying 'if a guy really wants u he would make the first move and do everything to get u'?..I'm going to scatter it!.lol...women are very emotional creatures, I think men are too but they mask it or manifest it differently from women..but that's another topic for another day!..let's focus on women and how they 'feel' and operate..so I see a guy I like. .I want him to know..and I feel confident to tell him cos we have some cool rapport going on..I don't mind being vulnerable. .I don't think it through excessively cos afterall it's just being honest about my feelings...I want to talk about it with him..I want to 'communicate' it to him..and someone,I dunno who,but it's a man for sure!,says wetin!..I should sit and wait like a robot until he makes the first move!..aargh!..is it not the same thing we're feeling?why should my making the first move signify desperation?..yet a guy making the first move signifies what?..if I tell him I like him and he says he's not feeling me like that,I'll be disappointed but nutin spoil..yes you men like to hunt but so do we!..I'm sure it's news to most of you guys but we do like a good chase too..I'm one of them !. .I like to be able to pay a guy I like compliments ..I like to be able to ask a guy out without him feeling intimidated..I want to be able to discuss my interest and needs and visions with him without having being made to feel like I'm loose or a gold-digger.
      Speaking of gold digging , I'm sure lots of women have been made to feel like that even though it's far from what our intentions are.The term gold-digger stems from a situation where a woman or a man (people always tend to conveniently overlook that bit !)  forms a relationship or marriage with a wealthy person for solely finacial gain..emphasis on WEALTHY! so why is it that when someone(a woman mostly) asks a not wealthy guy to help her achieve a simple need as food or airtime for e.g. you call her a gold digger?. .my guy,get over yourself!..how much koraa you get wey u dey see yourself as a place where dem dey dig for gold?..it's golddigger,not sand-digger abeg!..commot for there! LOL!
     Recently I was in the midst of about ten guys who were playing basket ball...me, I just went to watch them and drool over the sexy bodies cos I dunno the rules of the game!..all I know is guys will be chasing one ball and whoever gets it puts it into a hole!..*wink wink * ..hhehehhehe...so after the game we got into a lively banter about women/men relationship shenanigans. ..ofcos!..lol...I made a point that I felt relationships were about being secure and confident in yourself enough to allow your partner be themselves without trying to control their movements. .and one of the guys was like if a woman gives her man such freedom her man would stray..and I  was like as if a man needs any reason to stray !. .you guys always bemoan that women are too clingy,too jealous,too emotional,too dependent and now I say we will give you space to breathe,you say wetin!..guys kasa!...girls abr3!!!...I say guys don't know what dey want!
    Lemme flip things a bit..I often times hear some women complain they don't like a one-minute-man but guess what,other women prefer a ' one minute man'!...if you're jungle-minded like myself you'll get where I'm coming from!.. I enjoy a rough,quick roll in the hay ..those moments are fast,hard and explosive so definitely cannot last for more than a minute.. it's about quality and not quantity,I'll tell u for free!. .who wants sex that drags on and on till eternity!..why,ebe marathon we dey run?!!!...let the foreplay last long and the actual thrusting be brief  and precise and hard, thereby achieving the climax with a big bang (pun intended! !)...very real talk!
         It took me a loooonnggg time of heartache and deception to come to the realisation that monogamy is the biggest set-up ever!...lots of us will fail at it..I've never cheated tho, not because I'm not capable but just that that's how I operate. .a monogamous person is not a yardstick for measuring integrity or uprighteousness (I hope this is a word!heheheh).I know real great men who still stray from their main woman... It's hard for a guy to stick to one woman for life...and I'll tell you that for free again!..and since they're afraid to let the woman know this, they'll rather lie and pretend to be faithful..be we women have found out the hard way that it's mostly impossible and that's why we get upset with them..not cos they cheated but cos they lied they could do it.so let's be real with ourselves and our partners. I know I'll be bashed for this by the so-called happily married people but we all know they're suffering in silence .being faithful is not the only sign of a happy relationship. Someone can be faithful and still be an asshole at home ..beating up their partner,abusing them mentally, controlling them obsessively etc..let's get the right balance..respect your partner..don't abuse them!
        People don't like to hear the truth,not because they don't agree with u but because you've been bold enuff to say it out loud whiles they're would rather sweep it under the carpet..I've always been a realist and very outspoken and that's why I'm called MZTOOKNOW ...lol. ..let's all try hard to be real. It's not easy but let's try..thanx for reading.. Shalom  #gaylesgifts

Saturday, 28 September 2019

my name is Adjo

       I never knew a day would come when I'll be so proud of this name!..knowing the tribe I belong to in Ghana and it's negative connotation you'd understand where I'm coming from..when I was growing up my dad and everyone else called me Adjo and ofcos it didn't mean anything to me cos I grew up in an environment where English was the only spoken language,seeing as mummy was Akuapem from Gyakiti,Akuamu Fie and Daddy was from Vakpo in the Volta region..both couldn't speak speak each other's local dialect so English it was!..so I speak English..I think English..I eat English..I write English..I'm horny in English !!. .*wink wink*!..
       When we came back to live in Ghana I was introduced to my mum's people first cos we lived in her family home,the house she grew up in..they spoke twi so gradually I learnt to speak it..it was a bit of a struggle cos everywhere we went people automatically spoke English with us and till this day people laugh at me when I speak twi . .they say I do it with an accent!..I've become very self-conscious about it..it was the same when I was in school. .my mates thought I was pretending not to 'know' the language..that I was pretending to be someone who grew up in the western world and all I could speak was English...it was a very hard time for me which added to my low self esteem..I just coiled further into my shell and never talked much..
     Dad's people spoke Ewe and I never learnt the language cos I didn't live with him nor his family for long..it hurts me cos that was my identity and I feel lost...my name is Adjo..the name given to a girl from the volta region born on monday..when I was younger everyone called me Adjo...when I got into my teens and slowly began to realise how Ghanaians regarded ewes I did everything possible to 'dismiss' that name and use only my English name..sad ,cos I'm not English but that is what my people appreciated more than the most important thing that gave us our identity...names are very important. .soon as you hear someone's name you easily know which country they come from...it hurts me that in Ghana there's too much 'tribalism' and people just stereotype u based on just that...I almost lost my sense of self cos I couldn't be allowed to be a proud Ghanaian.
      People assume I'm not Ghanaian because of my looks...that I can't do anything about...but in the course of the years I've slowly come into myself as a proud African. .a proud Ghanaian at that..though there's so much that can be done to make Ghana a proud country I still lift my head up knowing I belong somewhere which is saying much cos lots of people don't have that privilege...I started adding Adjo to all my official documents...cos I wasn't ashamed anymore and I knew I wasn't what people thought of my tribe..I was so much more than that..I decided to tell everyone I was called Adjo cos I had an answer for anyone who pressumed to 'know' me just cos of my name..ewes have been associated with juju and witchcraft and evil doings...I don't dabble in those things...I'm not evil...they forgot to add that ewe women are beautiful and regal and intelligent and go-getters,which I proudly am!!..if you think otherwise,sue me!..or shoot me,which ever suits you!..it is ALWAYS hard to accept who you are and own it but when u do,nothing is more
fulfilling!
        I'm a 41year old woman.I am very single and very sensual..very happy...lots of people are shocked at my age cos they say I look way younger!..I'll put my looks down to good genes and also to staying away from bullshit..I'm a walking bullshit-o-meter..hehehe...I always go for the shock factor and this is something new to those who knew me in my teens...cos I used to be the opposite..very clingy,very insecure,very unhappy, very depressed. .
          I had a serious case of inferiority complex because my dad wasn't in our lives when I was six....it was so bad that eventually I had a nervous breakdown whiles writing my Alevels..i had suicidal thoughts a lot...it was a very tough time for me cos I couldn't share it with anyone..though i tried to tell a few people about my pain,they didnt get it..all i did was cry and cry and cry some more.. when I started dating I saw my dad in every man I met and I was so insecure cos I knew they would leave like my dad did..so i would deliberately date guys i knew were toxic .
         I bottled up everything inside and eventually exploded!..when  I was three an 'uncle' put his penis in my hand and today I know it was sexual abuse but back then I was too young to comprehend what it was not to talk of putting it into words to tell someone...that's one of the issues with people today..people are not very understanding of other people's pain and so we tend to just bottle things up hoping it'll go away.putting yourslef out there in your rawness and imperfections is very very very hard cos of the insults and judgemental attitude from others.. people always try to caution me not to be real but as you can tell i don't listen to them!
      Your mental health is not to be taken lightly...when i had my nervous breakdown i thought i was going crazy...my mum took me to churches for prayers initially and i was just getting worse by the day...i was physically and emotionally drained.. eventually she had the foresight to take me to the hospital..
.finally I got better...to aid me in my healing process I started keeping diaries.
   Years later I would sometimes go and read old stuff I wrote to remind me of how far I've come..with time i started a blogsite and that's where I poured out my heart and my pain..what I've been through is what inspires my vision to want to be a counsellor to help others .we all go through pain and if it's not dealt with properly it could manifest itself in more harmful ways in future...today I know why I was like that back then and I vowed never to put myself through that again..you and only you are responsible for your happiness.
       No one is equipped to handle all your emotional requirements cos they're not even done with theirs yet.'for better or for worse is a fallacy' and some people get disillusioned quickly and learn to be more independent by enjoying their individuality in their relationships, while others would rather suffer it through and take those words literally ...being real with yourself is the most liberating thing ever..you feel free.. you feel young..being single is orgasmic cos you use that time to 'learn' yourself and love yourself.
       I always say my personality gives me multiple orgasms all the time cos I dey feel masef too much!..when you enjoy being single you'll enjoy being in a relationship/marriage cos you'll learn quickly that you can be with somebody but still be 'alone' most of the time! I remain MzTooknow..
Thanx for enjoying my mind.shalom #gaylesgifts

Monday, 13 May 2019

Mothers' DAY?

    Mothers are #women..women are potential mothers..not every woman is going to be a biological mother in the sense of the word..a mother is literally someone who births a #child from her womb...let's not confuse mother with woman. .people make it so automatic ,especially during the MOTHERS' DAY period,that every woman is a mother...that puts a lot of pressure on those who are dying to have their own biological kids and it makes us lose sight of the fact that there are horrible mothers out there too. .there are kids who wish they were not born due  to the harsh harsh treatment they get from their parents, especially their mothers...on MOTHERS' DAY every mother is #special, loving ,kind bla bla just to buy into the fakery of keeping up appearances but we know different...Mothers are human beings who mess up  like us too so they can't be that perfect like we tend to portray them..in Africa it's assumed that you owe your mother something just cos she carried you in her womb for nine months..she made the choice to have the baby..so she rather owes it to that baby to give them the best foundation and a good 'launch pad' on which that child would take off into the world to live their own life when they're of age.. lots of women walked out of their kids' lives leaving them to fate ..if they're lucky their dads or some #family member or a benevolent person takes them in and cares for them..this MOTHERS DAY period dismisses the role men play in the conception and birthing of a child..most men,especially in Africa are seen as useless,deadbeats,irresponsible etc but most mothers are equally same...so let's not get it twisted..
          Someone said any idiot(a man) can 'father' a child(as in just have #sex and get a woman pregnant) but it takes a real man to raise a child ..same goes for women. .any idiot  (a woman) can also lay with a man and get #pregnant and give birth but it takes a compassionate woman to nurture a child...having said that I know #people would wana chew me up for being blunt but deep down they know I'm saying the reality on the ground. .alot of people #suffer in silence cos in Africa your mum is revered like a god and you can't say anything bad about them..but everyone's story is different and they should be allowed to tell it regardless of how offended someone might get.. some people have such great relationships with their mum that it's hard for them to believe anyone else might experience anything opposite..but people do and I'm speaking from experience.. my situation was and is what I call physically-present-emotionally-absent syndrome. ..it's everywhere!
       Birthing a #child is just one part and nurturing and guiding to adulthood is another. .alot of our parents fail at that...affection for one's kids is something most African parents don't get...they treat their kids like it's their fault for being born..specially if it's in a situation where finances are low or the mother is a single mum..and if the circumstances under which she became a single mum were/was  the fault of her spouse/partner then woe betides the kids cos they would be blamed for everything ..through beatings,insults,knocks on the head,deprivation of essential things needed, mental abuse and more beatings! !!..you're forced to hawk to be able get #food to eat..I feel very bad when I see kids selling on the streets I get upset cos they're paying for the mistakes of a grown-up somewhere .I've experienced hawking at a very young age and it wasn't cool..it was dangerous cos of the roads we crossed,at night it was crazy,we were left to the mercy of paedophiles and thieves..it's not the kid's fault and they shouldn't have to be put through that!..and it must STOP !. .it's not safe out there and kids should be home safe under the protection of their parents..there are lots of sick and wicked and twisted people out there and we need to keep our children away from them..
     Today being MOTHERS' DAY brings out mixed feelings and reactions in people all over the world...it's a huge deal for loads of people..for me I can't celebrate it cos I don't have that kind of relationship with ma mum tho she's still in my life today..she never started any intimate connection with me now that I'm grown, it's too late to start it now...and it's a very painful subject for me but I have to talk about it so I feel a little better in my #spirit...I wonder if our parents are aware of the kind of damage they inflict on the kids with their attitudes. ..I really wonder..I think parents should listen more and 'parent' less..kids do what grownups do and not much of what they say..kids look up to their parents for everything cos parents are the first 'people' they get to meet and live with so we better be good examples for them to emulate..
      Today was a very very emotional day for me..lemme explain why..few days ago I saw an advert on ETV GHANA asking people to nominate single mothers for a MOTHERS' DAY treat being organized by a Ghanaian actress named Luckie Lawson..I have lots of friends who vend in my area and at the Kaneshie market close to my house so I decided to recommend one to ETV GHANA in a voicenote..this woman lives in a kiosk by the cemetery with her three young kids and still gifts me her wares. .amazing ,right!..infact that's the kind of relationship I've got with all my market-women and men friends..they are always gifting me their ways and I try to return the favor whenever I can..anyway this particular woman has got no electricity nor running water nor much money but she tries to sell fruits or angwamuu (steamed white rice accompanied with fried egg,freshly ground red chilli pepper and tinned sardines..for those who don't know,it's a very delicious Ghanaian delicacy and it's very affordable! )...so ETV accepted my nomination and that's when the drama started!..this woman didn't want to send her picture as required cos she had superstitious beliefs that it could be used for demonic rituals !. .OMG!...later she came back to me to say she'd changed her mind and would take part in the #program cos someone said they knew me well  and i wouldn't harm her!..I almost cancelled everything but ETV GHANA called me to bring her for her grooming..the other selected single mums  were there yet this woman acted out the whole day ..she wouldn't eat,didn't like her new hairstyle etc and i got home in the evening with a banging headache from the stress!!!!..next day which was MOTHERS' DAY was the dinner for the women..at the dinner the selected women were all giving money,and any accoutrements each needed to help their trade grow..in my friend's thank-you speech she broke down and thanked me for being patient and not giving up on her cos she realised the whole program was harmless...#everyone got emotional and I was just happy I could impact a mother through someone else...I doff  my heart to all those who sponsored the program!...good job done!!
       Anytime I try/tried to open up about this #issue concerning my relationship with my mum people tried to shut me up..as if i don't know what I'm about..as if i don't know my #left from my #right..as if i don't know #good from #bad...I'm an #adult and i damn well know if someone or something hurt me so please let people feel free to #speak up cos it's damaging to bottle up  things and pretend everything's fine..those whose mums who passed when they were kids and had to grow up with a wicked step mum(she's also a woman,right?!) also have their stories..let's be sensitive even if we do not understand it all.
      This article is my truth. .my story...my pain...my reality...it's for me and anyone else who can relate...Thanx for reading.. #shalom #mztooknow #gaylesgifts #hibernate
     
       

Sunday, 7 April 2019

dick-trending

      You decide what your woman does with her own hair yet when she asks for money for this same hairstyle you CHOSE ,you balk at the responsibility saying African women are not independent!.. you get to do what you like with your own hair but cos you're a man you're presumtious enough to tell the woman she can't be free to do what she likes with her own hair!..a full grown-arse woman who should know her left from her right!..*sigh*..and in the name of love and ' for better or worse' the woman enables him..someone I know made her intention to loc her hair known to her fiancĂ© and his response was she should wait until after wedding .and she obliged!..yet here she was lamenting her grievances to those who wanted to listen!..so if they get married and he changes his mind,what then?..is she a child?..is it a parenting school or a partnership? ..bullocks I say to both of them!.so just the fact that you have a dick makes you better than someone who has a vagina?how does that even make sense?..nothing said about IQ. .nothing said about smartness...nothing said about values...just have a dick and you can rule over the world and everything else in it!..when the women like myself protest we are labeled FEMINISTS..and in Africa it actually means someone who doesn't need a man..*rolling my eyes*...ok so what if she doesn't need a man,is that a crime?..will that cause world war 3?..we're  too narrowminded as Africans and that really makes me question our so-called independence from the western influence our leaders have been trying to force down our throats since time immemorial! . If the leaders themselves don't get the concept of independence how the hell will they understand the desire  of a woman dying to remove  the noose of 'it's a man's world' tied around her neck since the stone age !
        Our great great great great great grandmothers found themselves  in this situation and couldn't protest cos they were limited and with no voice with which to speak up..it was like not being dumb but couldn't speak..like being forced to wear a straitjacket tho not certifiably bonkers. .you know how that feels!!..like being cooped up in a small narrow bottle with the cork screwed on tight. .and you're trying to break free cos you can't breathe!..I wasn't obviously born back then but I instinctively know how it was..women's psyche has not changed since then..so there!..we've ALWAYS felt stunted and unappreciated and not supported by the male specie..like we have to have their approval in everything we do!..the decision was made for women way back not to be educated and be liberal..I think man has always been threatened by a woman's strength and I wonder why. .it's not a competition..naturally there are things a man can't do and vice versa and nobody can change that..it is what it is!..but when it comes to intelligence, mindset,drive and everything else it goes beyond gender..it's simply an individual thing..and why must the 'silent war' between the male and female species be centred around relationships? !!!! There's more to our existence than marriages and procreation and submission to the man (I detest that word now for obvious reasons!)..in our African setting a woman's worth is determined by her marital status..as long as she's not hitched nobody wants to hear what she has to say..and sadly lots of woman have bought into the idea cos they've been conditioned to feel incomplete otherwise..and these women 'fight' the other women who are happy being single..I weep inside and 'outside' everyday because I don't get how this rot started and why and by whom?!!!!!
        It is not a woman's job to make a man feel like a man..you should be a 'man' on your own..you don't need her validation on how to be a man. ..so stop putting it down to your ego and how it will be bruised when a woman intimidates you with her formidable self..a woman can't make you be what  you're not.. be a 'man' on your own merit and not on your penis alone..I wonder how women who have had {the}sex change would be viewed now by men cos afterall it takes only a penis to be powerful they say...nansins!..most men are so focused on how a woman responds to their fuck-ups rather than his fuck-up itself!..they're always like 'it's how she says it'!!..but how does that change anything?..if he's wrong,he's wrong.. .men,work on upgrading yourself to meet the psyche of the
independent African woman you preach you're looking for.
         These days the mondern African woman like myself ,knows exactly what she wants in a potential partner ..or rather we are not quick to settle for less in a relationship so easily  like we were forced to do sometime back. We have learned how to READ between the lines and stick to our standards..I've always maintained relationship[s] is/are teamwork..I'll tell you for free that if you like to ALWAYS fly solo you have no business building a life with anyone!..
    lemme digress a bit.. I rember one incident way way back when I was dating this guy..how we met was weird..I was one time browsing the internet at an internet cafe and I found myself chatting with someone on Yahoo messenger..within minutes we both realised we didn't know each other..apparently the last person who'd used the computer I was using hasn't signed out of his yahoo and that's how come all that confusion came about..but me and this new guy decided to make something positive out of it all and exchanged contact details..to cut a long story short we started dating cos there was chemistry between us...one time we went to a restaurant on one of our dates..when my food came he ate with me..when his food came he ate it all by himself. .wow!..time came for us to leave and the waiter came up to me for money for my bill. .I was shocked cos I assumed my date would pay for both of us..apparently he'd paid for his share without telling me..I just paid my share and we left..I dunno why I'm remembering this incident now and whether it's linked to this article in anyway..but I'm sure someone would learn the lesson I learnt from it,which is to always be prepared financially to foot your own bills when out on a date. .makes you independent as a woman and helps you avoid any unpleasantness.
          If it's a man's world why does he need a woman to feed him,take off his shoes for him,feed his kids ,do laundry and fuck him too?..and all these she does AFTER she's worked like himself all day earning a living!..If he's the man of the house shouldn't the roles be reversed? Shouldn't he be the one doing all the household chores and allow the woman who is seen as the weaker sex relax and do nothing?...afterall being a leader is not about leaving everything to your 'subordinates ' while you sit and be waited upon hand and foot!..these are genuine questions cos I feel a leader or head should lead by example for the others to follow...
      Men have been set up by their own species... greatest bretrayal ever!..our male ancestors and men all over the world who lived centuries ago thought they were doing themselves some good  when they came up with rules to protect themselves from the 'power ' of women..maybe it worked for them back then. .I can't tell cos we were not there but I know today in our time,those rules don't work..even most modern men kick at the idea cos they can't live up to it. .the times are different now..people's mindset are different. .technology has evolved beyond man's thinking...chale, it is what it is!
   They say wait for the man to propose marriage to a woman but guess what,her answer is what would make or break the relationship! ..who's the boss now?!..even when he brings the dowry the woman would still be asked by her family 'should we accept them?'..If she says 'no' ,my guy forget everything!. .all situations have been orchestrated for a man to feel in charge of the woman and society at large has been conditioned to accept it..that's why women these days are fighting for empowerment  but we don't need to cos we're already powerful since time immemorial.men and women are all powerful in our unique ways..let's accept that and allow women to function as they're supposed to and men should support them!..thanx for reading...#shalom #gaylesgifts #mztooknow
     

Thursday, 14 February 2019

shag day

     'Love is  very fragile and we're not always the best caretakers'..it just simply means you tell your love story how you want it..you speak the love language how you and your partner understands it..you can get it wrong..you WOULD get it wrong..we can get it right..we COULD get it right..it's neither here nor there..the love journey is never -ending..it's ongoing ..you can say 'it didn't work out' when it ends,but as long as you're still 'speaking' it you can't say 'it's worked out'...because that's just the way it is..it is what it is.
   This article was inspired by today's date..14th February. .a day called Valentine's day..named after the man who expressed his love for a woman in a unique way..a man who showed his love to her everyday and all the time..the love language is not of words alone but of actions and deeds too..it is consistent. .it is regular. .it is not an afterthought. .it is not what society says it should be..it is not what religion says it should be..and it is certainly not what your next door neighbour says it should be. .your relationship doesn't have to make any sense to anyone but you and your partner. .people say 'money makes the world go round' but I SAY 'love makes the world go round'..go ask the nomads or those natives for example, who live deep in the forests..in their world love trumps money,houses, even clothes cos they don't see the essence of covering up their natural nakedness..they're free mentally and physically..and they stay together as one people..they fall in love..they procreate..and they survive...so don't tell me you can't build a life of love with someone unless you've got lots of money!
       In Africa,especially in Ghana where I come from,VAL'S day is a keeping-up-appearances affair these days..people don't hold hands in public..they don't kiss in public..lovers don't hug. .couples stand side by side like tin soldiers even on their wedding day..the sex talk is taboo..but on VAL'S DAY the whole country is shrouded in red..I must admit I used to buy into that crap..my first boyfriend wanted us to celebrate that day together..I was like 16 at the time..a time before internet and social media and all the fakery..man was broke tho..but back then those things didn't really matter because we didn't have any distractions like whatsapp and selfies and people actually put in the effort to invest their time and energy into relationships..visits,walks ,talks etc were 'values' that couldn't be taken for granted because money couldn't buy that..back to my story..I got him a card and used my last peanuts to buy some cheap 'champagne '..I'm sure it was just water,color and sugar in a bottle but how we go do am! ..lol..can you believe the idiot picked the gifts up that he was gona chill the drink so we meet in the evening to drink it but I never saw the playa again that day. .I went to his house and waited till the world came to an end..there was no mobile fon to call him to know where he'd disappeared to..heard later he took some other chick out..if I'd seen him that day I would've crashed my champagne bottle on his coconut head!..so why did he plan to celebrate love and do me like that?!!..pressure pressure pressure!
         Another incident occurred ,this time around with a different potential boyfriend..I was a bit older then but still naive on hindsight..so VAL'SDAY came and ofcos I didn't have any red dress..what's with the red red ish anyway!!!..he took me shopping and eventually he bought two options of a wine velvet gown and a pants/top 'costume '..when evening came I chose to wear the gown..we decided to double-date with a sister of mine and her then boyfriend..we went a night club..not long after we arrived my date abruptly said he was leaving..gave us money for taxi and left..whaaaaaattt!!..we decided to leave too and guess what,when we came out my date hadn't left but was lurking in the dark spying on me!..ei!. .so i asked him to take us home. .this man drove like all the demons in hell were chasing him!..it was a wonder we made it home in one piece!..I dared to ask him what was eating him and he said i was talking to other people at the club..OMG!!..so I couldn't talk to my friends cos you're insecure?you almost got us killed on the road cos your testosterone was bruised??!!!..so our VAL'S DAY ended on such a sour ugly note!..guys make it look like it's a MAN'S WORLD' yet they always need the validation of a woman to feel that way!
        VAL'S DAY is a commercial affair now and it's all about making money..everyone one jumps on that wagon not even knowing where it's headed..spending money on gifts and functions we can't  afford. .ur man beats you up on a daily basis. .he doesn't sleep at home..there's no love connection..no love affection..no proper communication yet on VAL'S DAY you insist he gives you a gift or else it is over!..your woman denies you sex because she is waiting for marriage..yet she is having sex with someone else..you go out on Valentine's day and you're both on your fon the whole doggone time!..so you see,distance between lovers is not only about location but you can even both be in the same bed together and there isn't any connection..love should be showed everyday and to hell with Valentine's day!..all the blood donations etc are acts of charity and kindness which should be expressed everyday..why wait for a particular day to be kind?..and then wait a whole year to repeat it!..if you want to celebrate this day then, know it is about the romantic kind of love between people IN LOVE..the love that makes your heart flutter..the love that trumps imperfections. .the love that is very confusing because you're loving someone today and the next minute you wana strangle them cos they annoyed you..that's what makes it so beautiful. .don't feel bad if you're single on this day..
       I'm older and wiser now..all those things I thought were important no longer matter to me..I only care about positive energy..I've realized the hard way I can only control myself and how I re-act to things and people..I don't waste precious energy on things I can't control. .life's too short...show love everyday ..every second. .every minute..every hour..after that you can then  do something extra ordinary on VAL'S DAY if u must..don't use this opportunity to just have sex and make babies you can't take care of..be responsible..grow up!..don't 'muddy' love with games..it's either you're in it or you're out..make up your doggone mind!..thanx for reading.. #shalom #gaylesgifts

Friday, 21 December 2018

parked on the floor

        I'm here in my room, sitting on the floor pondering what to write about..I haven't written much in awhile ..maybe I've got writer's block or  I'm just in a floating state..floating floating floating away like an emptied 'pure water' sachet..being blown away in all directions with no particular destination. .so I could get caught or snagged on a tree branch...I could be flattened by a trotro driver...I could be washed away through the gutters and into the deep sea. .I could be burnt to a stub or nub amongst other garbage in an incinerator. .I could also be picked up by a rubbish collector to be taken to the re-cycling plant for 'refurbishment' and reusal...that's the fun bit about floating..you tune out everything and everybody and you're in a hibernating state..my favourite 'place' to be!...
        I've always felt #different from everyone else and I always have had a hard time fitting in.. especially in our society where religion and society have brainwashed us to think and act in a certain way to our own detriment..Sometimes I kid about being a caveman in my previous life cos I think like a man from the stone-age..it took me a very long time to embrace my 'weirdness' and to stick to it regardless of what anyone felt..I told myself I came first and that's all that mattered..reincarnation is a 'phenomenon' that intrigues me greatly..whenever I felt lost I wished I'll be re-incarnated as a tree or stone. .a stone doesn't do anything. .it just exits. .stationary always. .except someone or something moves it..it is spared all the pain and disappointments  of life and couldn't care less if it never moved!..can one be reincarnated as a stone tho,I wonder?..on the other hand I'm sure I can be reincarnated as a tree cos it's a living thing..it still doesn't do anything though. .people do all the work for it..and it just responds.
       Another very valuable lesson I learned during my 'float' is the most kindest and generous people on earth are those without..those who don't have much to offer are the most empathetic people ever!..cos they understand what is it to be really in need...anytime I went to the market to shop the market women would always give me a 'gift'  of whatever they were selling..or they would give me way more than what I paid for..most times I don't even need the stuff but they insist I take them or they'll be offended...and I look at them and I'm overwhelmed with emotion!..sometimes you don't have to wait to be asked before you show kindness....alot of people dont know how to ask for help for fear of rejection (just like myself!)  or the fact that they'll be misunderstood..I always do the random kind act to people and they go like 'it's as if you knew I needed this'..that's my reward..knowing I made a difference no matter how small..guess what,it's the smallest things that leave the biggest impact!..I've always wished I could do more for people cos it's a blessing to give ..the more u give,the more u receive!
     So I'm still here on my bedroom floor..this time lying down on my mat with my legs up on my bed..that's my favorite position..and yes,pun intended!!!..lol....*wink wink*...my love for the floor was borne out of the period where/when eight of us(my mum and siblings) used to share a room and we had no bed ..get the picture?. .so even though I've upgraded,I still have a hard time using a bed!..which is good news cos I hate laying the bed anyway!..I'm spared all of that on the floor..one thing I also hate doing is brushing my teeth!..but I do it cos I hate unclean teeth and bad breath more than I hate brushing my teeth..and it's funny that I go the extra mile to clean my teeth..after brushing the traditional way(mind you I brush for like 20mins!), I floss daily.I use mouthwash all the time.I use charcoal with the tooth paste ..sometimes I use bicarbonate of soda with lemon..you dip the lemon peel in the lemon and rub it around your teeth for two minutes before rinsing..it removes stains and helps with maintaining fresh breath..why I'm I giving all these details on something I hate but must be done?..it's simple..sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do because it is necessary. .and you SHOULDN'T be afraid to 'custom-make' it to suit you if you realize the 'normal' way is not for you..you have to be real with yourself about not wanting to follow the crowd. .it's how life should be..people should be allowed to be real and different..
    This theory should apply to everything we do in life and especially in our relationships. .there's no rules in that department cast in iron or engraved in stone for everyone to apply as if there's a gun held to your head!..relationships are beautiful when you're with someone on the same page in every angle..you have to go the extra mile if that's what you both want and not because someone is doing it..dare to be different in expressing your love with your partner..use 'charcoal' to brighten it if you want to...'floss' out extra impurities if it works for you..a lot of these so-called relationship 'rules ' are killing all the beautiful love people want to share with their partners..and what annoys me is they insist you have to be married to prove your love is valuable or fulfilling..but how can that be when it's only both partners in love know what their love means to them..Christianity maintains marriage is from the bible but atheists,agnostics and all the other religions get married the same way..wearing the same white gowns and say vows. .so I'm very confused!!!..alot of people are under pressure to just be married to be recognized. .they'll go to all lengths to get that ring on that finger and suffer in silence when reality dawns..when disillusionment takes place ...when the shit hits the fan!..weddings don't define the longevity of your relationship as a lot of ignorant people have quickly realized when they also tried to tow that line..being in a genuine relationship with your partner is beautiful whether you're married or not..our forefathers did it and most of us are products of those unions..marry if you're very sure it's for you not cos you feel you have to..marriage to me is just making things official for legal reasons and nothing else ..nobody can tell me otherwise!..love can be shared and expressed without a ring and the pomp and pageantry of a wedding you can't afford. .weddings are overrated these days..times have changed..the world has evolved and we must be abreast with the times..it's either you're in the stoneage or you're part of this era..make up your doggone mind!..stop coasting the horizon. .jump in or bugger off!
     Thanx for reading.. #shalom

pussy-trending

      When a woman's vagina is 'big' the man says it's cos she's 'been around' but when a man's penis is 'small', same man says size doesn't matter..double standards!!..it's weird tho that the normal notion is women like a big penis and men like a small tight vagina!..hmmmm!!. .a woman can compromise and say let's focus on what he can do with his penis but the man will say I drown in her vagina everytime we have sex  so I gotta find a tighter vagina elsewhere!...hmmmm!!!..is it hard to just accept that same way penises come in different shapes and sizes and looks so does the veejayjay come in different shapes and sizes and looks?! ..just find your perfect fit ..cos sexual organs compatibility is equally as important as mental and social compatibility. .you can't fake it when you're not connected sexually with a person..you can say all the prayers in the bible,chant from dusk till dawn and if it's not there,it is not there!..you don't have to have been promiscuous to know I'm not feeling him or her..ofcos chemistry has to be there but other things come into play to make that magic happen...and let's face it,some people are just crap at sex..sex is an art like dancing, cooking,painting etc. .don't get it twisted!..the desire is the foundation then the skills 'enforces' it...you no gat skills,you ain't shit!!...
            Ofcos when you're into someone you compromise and let the emotions overtake you even when the sex is shit but hey!..who doesn't want their socks blown off as well!!..let's be honest!...lots of women in Africa don't know what an orgasm is..firstly because the sex topic has been made [a ] taboo since 19kojohooho and today's modern  woman, despite this technological age ,is found wanting..these days,even tho some talk shows on African tv claim they have taken the step to start the sex education journey,they are still coasting the horizon..it's either you thrust in all the way (pun intended!) or you don't waste our time..one talk show was referring to the penis as his 'thing' and 'dick'..I was mortified!..'dick' is an informal title like pussy..I use those informal titles cos i like to provoke certain re-actions so I always go for the shock-factor!..when you're educating people you should use the right formal names..kids are exposed to so much sex info ONLINE that if you don't teach them yourself now someone else will beat u to it..my mini-me is four and she knows the vagina and penis and breast...the correct names....her younger sis who is one calls THE VAGINA  'Dina' !..of cos she's still learning how to talk!.LOL..and they say the name which such glee and excitement that carries the fact that they know those organs have special importance..stop using names like 'kakai' and 'pepe' and 'borlorborlor' and some other crazy unprintable nicknames to describe these beautiful 'art pieces'!..COS that is what they are..beautiful art pieces that can bring unimaginable pleasure and satisfaction to you when you really know how to use it!
              I can't explain enough my fascination for genuine love and how to freely express it physically and emotionally...I just love LOVE!...there's no limitations as to what you can do to be physically ravaged sexually!..why should it be taboo?..who came up with that idea of hiding its full effect?I'm sure it was the same person who tried to suppress a woman's potential by denying her education and reducing her to a 'furniture ' in the home, specifically the kitchen..who's to say she couldn't be both?...who says she can't blossom and still feed him,that is if he doesn't know what to do with his two hands!..who also said it's every man who can embrace and execute the role of being the 'head'?..if that was true why is that some women play the role of provider in her marital home?..some women pay their own bride price,allow the man to come live in her home,pay all the bills,feed him,clothe him..leaving him with nothing to do but sleep around hmmm!!..yet she would not be seen as the head..same way it's not every woman who can play the 'mother' or 'wifey' role..some women just want to be mothers just to please society and religion and quickly get disillusioned cos nuturing babies ain't no walk in the park!..some men do a greater job at raising kids.
             Everything in this world is not for everyone..the sooner we accept it ,the better for us all..and who made people the judge of whether a woman is marriage-material or babymama-material or fuck-material?...what is marriage-material I ask? What does that term even mean?????!!!!!...some people don't want to get married..does that make them less of a human being?...and does that mean that just cos you're married you've suddenly attained magical powers?..like you're immortal?..let's get real people!!!...a man sleeps around with all the women and when he wants to settle down he wants a 'holy' marriage-material! .nansins!..so who should have what you've played around with?!!!...makes me sick!..and then we keep saying man is the head..if he wants to be head he should earn it alongside your affection and respect..it's not a gender thing,it's an individual thing..if you exhibit leadership skills why should someone take it away from you?on the other hand it shouldn't just be handed over to you on a silver platter..I just want everyone to be treated equally  because you're a person and it should not be based on your sexual anatomy..I know a lot of people will chew me out cos they'll base their grievances on religion but I don't think religion's got anything to do with this.
      Women,instead of buying into that crap of being married before you'll feel accepted or relevant which pushes you to do all kinds of weird things, rather get to know your selves well...as if being single is a disease!...how can you fill another's empty cup from an equally empty cup?...know your body..study your body..know what turns you on...list your standards you're looking for in your partner .write them down literally like I always say(and this a man taught me to do)...when you meet a potential lover tick off  of your list as and when he meets them..don't compromise on what is very important to u...don't settle..teach yourself new things.. travel..paraglide,bungeejump..hell,go to the moon if you can..,learn physical hygiene. .how to keep your vagina neat ..I'm tired of guys complaining to me about the rotten eggs smell emanating from the vagina  which some women have been subjecting them to!..and STOP pressuring them for marriage! ..don't you have anything else your brain can contribute?..like being independent? !!!!...the guys say that's all the women ask them for yet the women don't bring anything to the table. .the modern man wants a real woman in all aspects ..they want a team-player...let's give them that and more!..and guys,whiles attacking women on their body hygiene make sure you also clean up good!..don't come near me with  two-weeks unwashed stinky boxers..plenty guys wear the same boxers for two weeks straight before washing!..urgh!!!!!..oh yes I have experienced it and I am still traumatized!!!!...I have noticed that it is the guys who don't keep their dicks neat who like blow jobs paa!..eeeeeeeewwwww!!!!!
            So we the women too we dey beg wae!..clean the fuck up!...thanx for reading.. #shalom
         

Monday, 29 October 2018

40 is my 20

#MyChatWithHer (SINGLES)

Facebook Lady (FL): Hey David. How are you? I want to volunteer to have a singles open chat with you!

David Bondze (DB): Good evening. Sure!

FL: Good evening

DB: How are you doing?

FL: I'm doing well. Sorry for replying late. I'm just coming from the 'loctician's'. I went to crochet my locs. And I put my data off. It's on now and I'm now seeing your message.

DB: So, you are free to chat?

FL: Yes, David

DB: Great! Lol!

FL: Hahhahahahhahaha

DB: How old are you?

FL: 40. I know you're shocked

DB: Nope! You this fine, young girl? No! I refuse to accept that age. Deduct a few numbers

FL: Hahahahahha. I know. I think I stopped growing

DB: Hmmm!

FL: No one ever guesses my age right.

DB: And you are #single?

FL: Yes

DB: For how long now?

FL: Hmmm! That's a tricky one, wow! Well, let's just say I've not really been in any serious relationship for like a year now. But I've never lacked suitors so there's always a few hovering around
I call them vultures! Lol

DB: Lol! And, why is that?

FB: It was a choice cos I have standards and I stick to them, though there's always some guy or other interested in me, I realize quickly they're not what I want so I back out.

DB: Hmmm!

FL: And I'm #someone who is a one-man woman. I date one guy at a time, so if there's no one I really fancy, I can be alone for a couple years. But this year I really got fed up with the games and nonsense so I just stayed off dating.

DB: Does it bother you sometimes that you are single?

FL: Not at all

DB: I see

FL: I'm too assertive and overly independent.

DB: Okay!

FL: I get off of my own self. I'm too much #woman! I #orgasm off of my personality and everything I stand for! Lol

DB: Lol!

FL: Hahahahhahahhahaha! I'm very African but also very open-minded that #people always say I'll have to marry a white man.

DB: Have you been in love before?

FL: Well that's relative. Sometimes you think you're in #love and later get disillusioned! But what I can say for sure is I move with how I feel and I only date guys I have strong chemistry with; someone I'm really really into. There're a couple of guys I still think about even years after we broke up. Maybe I'm still into them. Maybe we can call it love!*wink*

DB: Share a past #love experience

FL: Hmmmm! Lemme try

DB: Okay!

FL: I had an issue with MTN and I called them to rectify it. So the customer care lady transferred me to their technical team and I was told my problem would be fixed. The next day the technical guy (let's call him AA) called me routinely (or so I thought) to confirm if my issue was solved. I said yes. Then he started calling and texting days later, asking me out! He was persistent but I was seeing someone at the time and I told him. But a month later I agreed to see him cos I had kicked my Ex to the curb! AA showed up at my house unannounced. He was that kinda guy! Within a couple of weeks, he'd met my family and we were dating! We did crazy stuff! *wink*!!!

But I realized he avoided showing me his house for months. He wouldn't let me visit and he claimed he lived in Kumasi.

DB: Hmmm! That's something

FL: I went into his phone one time and saw he'd been sleeping around. Got some pregnant

DB: Oh, no!

FL: And he had lied to me that I was the only one he was seeing.

DB: Hmmm!

FL: I felt so stupid! And he was 45 years old. I found out he had Three (3) kids with 3 different women: 15, 10 and 2 years olds

DB: Huh?

FL: I eventually broke up with him. It was very hard cos he was all #man: Helpful and thoughtful and very generous. And I really needed a man like that! I still think about him!!!

DB: I'm so sorry about this unfortunate experience. Thanks for sharing it with me

FL: Anytime. Thanks. You're a good listener. Women love that!

DB: You talked about having standards: What’s your opinion on singles having certain standards to expect in a potential lover?

FL: I think it's very important to have standards, cos letting people in is a choice regardless of chemistry or whatnot. The fact that you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you should jump into a #romantic relationship with them. You have to LEARN the #person, know the basics of who he or she is, put aside all the religious rules and societal expectations. Be technical, use your head, cos attractions #fade away quickly. When you know the person, you can tick off your list of standards as and when the person meets them, based on that then you can now move to the relationship stage.

You date first before you commit.

DB: I concur. How important is sex to you?

FL: Very!!!!! ... VERY!!!!!

DB: Hahahahaha. Lol!

FL: I'm a very #sensual SEXUAL being!!!

DB: I see

FL: Lol

DB: Lol! Excite me!

FL: I have a dirty mind! 24/7 in the gutter!

DB: Lol! Share a piece of that mind with me. What is the greatest SEEELLLLLLXXXXXZZZZZ you've ever had?

FL: Oh wow!!!

The one that was so profound was with my then Cameroonian boyfriend (RN) when I lived in Europe for a while. Before I continue, let me say something: When you're really into someone, sex is always magical, though I always say #sex is an art - so of course, the technical aspect is key. But how many 'porn-stars' do we have, especially in Africa, where the sex topic is taboo? Even #married couples can't even express their love publicly, standing side by side like tin soldiers. Lol!

Anyways, so RN was very romantic. I hear these Francophone guys are wild and it's true! RN would let me lie down naked so he just examines my anatomy from head to toe He wanted to know my body well so he could please me! One time he visited me where I lived and he left our DNA all over the place and every room, and climaxed in the basement with me bent over the sofa, and him hitting from behind. It was epic!!!!

Chale David, don't let me spoil you this afternoon!

DB: Oh, Glory... GLory... GLOry... GLORy... GLORY!! Agh! GLORY!

FL: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

DB: Lol!

FL: Speaking of DNA, I've also left mine on a sofa in a very popular radio station in Accra. Whenever you sit in it please think of me!! Lol

DB: Lol!

FL: Hahahhahahahahhahahahahah

DB: What are your thoughts about kids?

FL: I love kids!

DB: Ok

FL: Their unconditional #love is so................. No words mehn! They're real

DB: Yeah!

FL: They drive you up the wall but are adorable!!

DB: Is there something about you that you are expecting to change?

FL: You mean physically? Or personality-wise?

DB: Anything you feel you need working at

FL: Let me ask you first: After knowing a bit about me would you want me to change anything? Be sincere!

DB: Honestly, not really. My only concern when it comes to you is, you #open up so much about yourself to people you feel you trust or can trust. The first day I met you on my radio show, we were supposed to just say 'hi/hello' to bond. But you made me know so much about you in that one hour or so chit chat we had

Fl: Lol. I know right.

DB: Yeah!

FL: It's #therapeutic for me, cos way back, I suffered from #inferiority complex and it took me a very long time to build my confidence and to love myself.

DB: I see.

FL: I don't mind people knowing who I am. It's a trait most Ghanaians don't have.

DB: You have a point

FL: And I'm #proud I can be 200% real without caring if I'm judged or not.

DB: I appreciate you.

FL: And I wouldn't change anything about me for anything or anyone! I'm a good person and that's all that matters!

DB: Okay!

FL: Also, don't be surprised I opened up to u the first day. You're a good listener and people like you attract #women like a magnet! There's something pure in you! You seem helpless and kind at the same time and every woman would want to be taken care of by you and also would want to take care of you. Get my drift!
That's just by the way!

DB: How good are you at/with handling finances?

FL: Very very good. I started a business at 13yrs!

DB: I see. Is the need for a free and alone time in a #relationship, something you are okay with?

FL: Yes. I need my ‘me-time’ paa cos there are things I enjoy doing by myself: writing, flirting with good looking guys (Hahahahahhahah!!), photography etc. My man and I can do stuffs together if it's feasible but it's not a must. It's not fair to expect someone to fulfill your every wish in life. Let people breath! It's smothering and it's draining emotionally. We are dating and not Siamese twins! Even if you're married, you should still retain your individuality! FOR BETTER OR WORSE IS A FALLACY!

DB: Hahahaha

FL: Lol.......

DB: Ok, so here is the thing. I need to attend to an urgent assignment. Should take me about 45 minutes. Will ask my next question and return to continue this engagement

FL: Sure. Ask away!!!

DB: Do you think house chores should be shared in #marriage?

FL: We live together. We should be a team in everything.We all have our weaknesses and strengths. So we should pull all together and build our lives together on that. Nobody should take anybody for granted. There's no hard and fast rule on how a relationship should play out. Everybody should do what makes 'the team' happy and content.

Let me add: I don’t really believe in marriage cos it's not the answer to a successful relationship. It's how much both parties involved want the relationship to work, and also the work they put in it. That’s the answer!!!
So if we're creating the mess at home together, it makes sense that we both clean it up, or get paid help! So I guess it depends on our standard of living and our pockets too!

DB: Hmmmm! Interesting response. I saw the 'I don't really believe in marriage' bit

FL: Lol. Marriage these days gives people the excuse to do all kinds of unthinkable, unprintable things to people they claim they love!

DB: I get you. How stuck are you with your job, and what would happen if you got fired one day, while married?

FL: I don't work for anybody. I'm building careers on my hobbies.

DB: Okay!

FL: I'm my own boss.. On the side we do a family business.
So I'm good! But if someone 'dashed' ME a million dollars I won't reject it!

DB: I see

FL: I was expecting u back in 45 minutes. Ae you done with your assignment? Or I'm too exciting to be away from even for a minute! Hahhahahahha
*wink wink* !!!!!!

DB: I am multi-tasking. Lol!

FL: A man who multitasks! My eyes have seen my ears! Hhahhahahhaha!

DB: Lol! Are you comfortable with the idea of your future partner being close to/with others? And at what point would you assume an emotional affair?

FL: If my man is a people's person he should be free to be himself. On the other hand, if I met him as an introvert and later he becomes overly friendly, I'll find out why cos that could be a sign something's wrong or NOT. Everything is about communication so I'll talk about it.

DB: Okay!

FL: One thing I've always said is, you can't force someone to #commit to you alone even if you carry his dick around in your handbag. Let people choose whom they want to love. This goes for the man too; let your women be who they want to be!

DB: So true.

FL: Relationships are not prison sentences! People choose to be with whomever they want and can walk out if they can't do it anymore. It's ALWAYS their CHOICE!!!

DB: How relevant is the upkeep of #physical appearance in a relationship?

FL: Very VEry VERy VERY!!

DB: I see

FL: Foreplay is very important to me: kissing and cuddling is more important than sex, and exploring each other's body is a no-holds barred operation. So my partner and myself gotta be clean and neat: from behind your ears to your bellybutton to your breath (don't get me started on that one!) to your armpits and to my favorite!! THE GENITALS. I've realized that those guys who like blowjobs are the ones who don't keep their #penis and testicles neat at all, wearing a boxer for two weeks. WHO DOES THAT? Keep your body #healthy, keep fit, exercise. What you wear on the outside AND under your clothes are equally important! No smelly shoes too!

DB: I see

FL: And the ladies, don't wear a weave for 10000 years! Aahba! Keep your Veejayjay neat. Forget those creams and shit. Do it the natural way. Exercise and stop piling makeup that can be scraped off of your face with a shovel. Less is MORE!
Make staying healthy a #lifestyle and you'll always look good. I always say you're as old as you want to be!

DB: I am as old as I want to be.

FL: Lol. There you go!

DB: Do you forgive easily?

FL: Let's say I'm very understanding cos I'm open-minded. But I hate to be disrespected, so that I won’t compromise on. I will give you enough rope to hang your own self. I'm a ‘cancerian’ woman; sensitive yet strong… So I feel a lot, very passionate. I wear my heart on my sleeves.

DB: Hmmm! I see

FL: But when you realize you're wrong and remorseful, I can let it go, but when I've had enough, I'm out for good!!!

DB: Ok

FL: What do u see? Tell me

DB: I see the you inside of you that makes you stand out and not blend in

FL: I stand out alright, like an erected penis!!! Ooops!!!

DB: Lol! Hahahahaha. What is your understanding of LOVE?

FL: I think there's all kinds of love but the basis of all is pure unconditional affection for a person or a thing. And expressing it is when action comes in, especially when you're dealing with another human being you claim you love, cos they'll only understand it when they SEE it. And women being emotional creatures, we respond to what we hear, and men, by what they see initially. So in relationships, there should be a balance of visuals and words. And since everyone wants to be loved differently but might not meet someone who can do that, we tend to compromise. We all want one thing though, and that's to be loved and respected by someone. And that can be done if we LISTEN and learn to READ. The signs are always there.

DB: Hmmm!

FL: And love is to be ENJOYED and not ENDURED. Know the difference between someone who is just different and someone who is bringing pure bullshit! FLEE from that! This brings me back to what standards you're looking for in a partner. Do your homework well.

DB: Hmmmm!

FL: Do I shock you sometimes with what I say? I doubt it cos you've heard plenty things... but humor me!

DB: I enjoyed this chat with you, really! Thank you so much for sharing yourself with all of us. You're BEAUTIFUL

FL: I'm blushing here! Thanks for the compliment and also for the #opportunity to express myself. I admire what you do. You ROCK!!!!

DB: Awwww! Please make it your best day today

FL: Thanks! You too! Be safe.

DB: Thanks!

FL: Anytime

Thanx for reading.. #shalom #gaylesgifts

Monday, 17 September 2018

gimme ma fon,now!

        
'how far now!'.. 'chale,how be?'....'what dey go on?'...are just a few casual modes of greetings,especially amongst Africans..more so in Ghana and Nigeria...pidjin is the unofficial #language used to communicate accross board..it breaks barriers on every level...breaks the ice easily..well if it is not so,it should be!!!..i will leave this #dicussion for another day..i do not wana digress like I am prone to do!

I rember when mobile fons started 'creeping' into my country Ghana. .the first time I really noticed them was at my 21st birthday party I organized at the Labadi Pleasure beach..I vividly rember a pic I have of four of my friends at one table and they all had the walkietalkie fons ,with #antenna and all!!..I couldn't miss it cos they had all displayed their fons on the table like it was an advert for a fon company!..that pic stayed with me mentally and literally till this day..I didn't realize how much till recently when I went to a show and everyone was watching the show through their fons..catch my drift?..20years ago (yes that's when I had that famous walkietalkie/mobile fon pic!) my friends enjoyed the #celebration and everything else through their own eyes..no distractions..no smart fons ..no whatsapp message pings..no video-ing of events..and certainly no competition..all the fons were the same make..,same blah grey color,and it was meant for calls only!..if you didn't have minutes (we call it credits here and yes with an 's'!..cracks me up every-time!) to make a call you could make a one-ring call or flash the person as we say here, to call back ..speaking of 'flashing' no one could 'hold a candle to me' in that department..I was the chief flasher!..ei,chaaaaaale!!..(just rembering it sends me into spasms of crazy laughter)..chale,when yours truly eventually acquired a fon (a friend referred to it as a piece of cheesecake so that should give u a general picture! ) which was even a feat unto itself ,I heaved a sigh of relief!....lemme tell you how it happened..after my party I started dating a very persistent Nigerian man..he wanted me to 'upgrade ' my status..hahahahah..so he gave me the 'piece of cheese cake' so he could get access to me at all times..hmmmm!..next we had to get a mobile number..that process alone was like pulling teeth!..we did a lot of investigations..asked around saa till we hit gold!..a guy in LAPAZ had a sim card for us...so i had to travel there...lol.. I practically waited in his #shop the whole doggone day before i got the card..and just like that I was 'connected'!..but after a coupla weeks I quickly realized I just couldn't afford the price of keeping the fon..my 'guy' literally wanted to have access to me at all times so I started leaving the fon at home on purpose so as to have an excuse to go back home ..one day he called me and I lied I was with friends and couldn't see him..he demanded to talk to them and I handed the fon to ma sis to pretend to be my friend and it worked..well imagine my shock when he showed up at my house within minutes and demanded his fon back!..that I liar!!...I dunno IF HE WAS WATCHING MY HOUSE....it was like a movie scene in my house..ma mum witnessed it and I was so embarrassed..he kept shouting in his naija accent, 'gimme ma fon,now!!!'...'gimme ma fon,now!!!"..I didn't want to!..ma mum finally persuaded me and I reluctantly gave it back..till today that story is a household comic-relief story..I didn't find it funny back then but I do now..though I have changed fons over the years incidentally that is the #number I am still using!!! ..

We've really come a long way from the caveman era when he would just howl like a wolf when he needed his #wife for something and she'd hear it and come running from where ever she was from whatever it was she was doing..I obviously wasn't born then but I can imagine they didn't have any defined accepted language to communicate and there certainly wasn't any #technology to make things better or worse for them,depending on how u looked at it..but I'm sure it was easy for them to get things done and also to procreate cos look at us their descendants today!..I'm sure whenever the caveman needed sex from his 'wife ' he'd just bark or something and she would come running from the bush where she was preparing the game he'd brought home from his hunt that day..and they would grab each other with animal force,engulfing each other in their organic poignant odor and swing from the ceiling (I'm sure there was a tree in the cave with its branches for them to hang on!) and end up on the floor in the wild throes of the jungle-style coupling!!..no words needed..I would give everything to have that experience again!..in my other life I think I was a caveman..yes a #man!...I'm sure paa!..hahahhahaha!!

Lemme backtrack a little..before mobile fons 'arrived' in Africa ,we made use of landlines and later when telecommunications outfits sprung up phone booths 'sprouted' up all over..the rippling effect of that was the establishment of #communication centers or comm-centers by entrepreneurs in almost every corner of the country..you could make and receive calls,for a fee ofcos, there. .I did a lot of the latter..so much so even when it rained I'll be there..during a period I'd been dating a guy who called me #everyday without fail at the same time,rain or shine,so I couldn't afford not to be at the comm-centre to receive my calls..I always maintain he was the one that 'got away'..unconditional commitment and undying consideration for me..I can't say the same for the types of relationships we practice these days..the one I call what-can-i-get-and-not-what-can-I-give ##relationships. .no care,no #consideration,no #compatibility and certainly no proper communication. ..

I don't know if we can totally blame #socialmedia for most of the problems and issues manifesting amongst us but we can say it helped in exposing them and highlighted the seriousness of the menace..social media is just another name for 'the grapevine'....it's just an oldskul and newskul thing..stone-age verses technology things..stone-age versus modern-man..with everything though there are always pros and cons ..everything new almost always materializes out of something positive and then with time the #negatives start to rear its ugly head..then an upgrade is done to get rid of the negatives and things stabilize for awhile then more negatives arise ..and the cycle continues..from traditional shouting to get someone's attention ,or to communicating info or otherwise, to two empty milk tins connected with a string,to walkie-talkies,to mobile fons and now to the smart fon..the smart fon does everything...it's for talking,taking pictures ,recording videos and audio,for browsing the internet,for checking time and #weather, it's an alarm,stopwatch, radio,it equips you with a world of info and knowledge thanx to Google and all the other apps and sites...very powerful device if you ask me!. .and can be dangerous I must add!... these days the kids are exposed to info which sometimes their brains are not developed to properly process..our time you'll to to the library...

When the whatsapp app was created it was such a relief at first. .imagine you could now talk to a relative abroad in real time instead I having to wait for them to record their message on a cassette and post it to you ..and it'll take forever to get to the country (pray it doesn't get missing on the high seas or get stolen!)..then you'll have to go to the post office to receive that package after paying an expensive fee for it..then get home to listen to it on your cassette-player..thank your stars it is a sensible message after all you went thru to get it!..#whatsapp took care of all of that and more...then they upgraded to voicenotes which was so cool cos if you couldn't reach a person on fon all you had to do was record your message and send it to his/her whatsapp number...the person listened to it at his convenient time and responded accordingly ..simple,right? ..well that was the initial plan... nowadays tho,it's gotten so weird that people just rely on whatsapp for all types of 'communication'.. even when they're on dates!..even when someone is in trouble the #person who could help is in a hurry to spread the news so he would rather record it and watsapp it to friends who would in turn 'share it' to the whole world eventually..the term is 'it went viral'...chale!...I'm a whatsapp addict cos it's cheaper compared to traditional fon calls,it is convenient (esp. when communicating with people abroad on different time zones ), it's perfect for staying current with family who've been away for years,you can send pictures and videos in the moment, you can video-call them...but the downside most people don't make actual calls anymore or even use their mouths to talk..I'm also talking about people who are even in the same space with you..you live in the same house and you're whatsapp-ing each other. .I still feel there should be a balance somewhere..only use whatsapp when it's absolutely necessary. .nowadays even during courtship no calls are made to each other. .that really irks me no end! ..edey bore me pass!!!...even when you call them they'll not answer and 'reply' with a whatsapp message! ...'eeeeeiiiii!!!!' ...did I go or did I come!!!..you know one other annoying thing?..when you get a message from a contact on your fon and you reply only to find out it wasn't meant for u but he 'blasted' the message to all his contacts so whether you replied or not,he couldn't bothered!....'aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!'

I have lots of 'fon stories' to tell chale..especially during the times when fon-thievery was on the rise..I rember one time my sisters and mum and I came home from a function and I stayed in front of our house to finish a #call..suddenly a taxi cruised slowly into my lane and stopped..within seconds a guy got out of it and rushed to me..placed a gun to my head and said in a gruff voice,'give me the fon or I will blow your head off'!!....my mind went blank!!..you say wetin??!!..I tink say na dream I dey dream!!!..ei!!!..I didn't think and just threw it over our wall..the fon no dey wear pant!(it was some radio-like device whose back cover had been lost..well that is how someone 'dashed' it to me!)..and it was wearing a belt(I had used a rubber band around it to keep the battery from falling out!)..chale girls abr3!!!...I don't know why I didn't just hand over the stoopid fon to them..throwing the fon away infuriated them cos they were more as I realized one came to join the first one and they started dragging me to their car to do what I never got to find out...I started shouting,'mummy'!!!...'mummy'!!...I know, I am a big baby!..and my whole family flew out from the house ..from nowhere a homeless friend of ours run to the guys to save me..in the process he was hit in the face with the gun and the thieves drove off..I was shaking like the proverbial leaf after that and for days!!!..my savior got hurt and was bleeding..I had to pay well well for that..he came for money from me for hospitals for months that I finally stopped him!..ebe friend or ebe foe!!..aahba!..till today he tells everyone who cares to listen that I 'spoil im eye'!!!...I have also had my new NOKIA3210 crushed by a speeding car!..that day it was me or the fon so I sacrificed my fon but it still kills me to think about it..even now!

You know how we sometimes save numbers on our fons with weird names?..that almost got me into hot waters one time..my 'cheese cake' broke and I had to take it for repairs..oh yes,the naija man gave me the fon back!..I gave the fon to my friend to get it fixed and because my friend was always farting around us I had saved his name as 'TOOSER' cos 'to toose' is pidjin for 'fart'...so now he brings the fon and asks me why that name and I feigned ignorance but chale I SHY..herh!!....later I had a cute fon which I been given by my then boyfriend which I brought to Ghana with me from Sweden..one day I couldn't find this fon and I searched everywhere for it..I tried re-tracing my steps to rember where I could've left it..then the last place turned out to be the 'white house'!!...with trepidation I went there and lo and behold the fon was in the bowl..OMG!..I had to fish it out,don't ask me how!..and of cos it had UNPRINTABLE 'things' stuck to it!!..I opened it after cleaning it ofcos!..dried it..reassembled it and it wasn't coming on..so I took it to the repairer and as he was touching it and working on it I felt bad for him!!..IF ONLY he knew!..I am a bad gyal, I KNOW!..but I couldn't tell him,could I!!...back on fon thievery..one night I was asleep in my room and suddenly I woke up and saw the outline of a person I assumed was my sis cos we shared a room at the time..lights were off so I spoke to 'her' and asked why she was standing there like some vampire bi..then the 'outline' looked at me,seemed startled and just flew outta the room!..I thought I was imagining things..then my sister woke up from her position on the floor..I was on the bed..she just got up and we both realized it was a man!!..ei!!!!!!!!..a thief had eneterd our room !!!..she chased him still half-asleep and I followed close on her heels..when we got outside he had vanished..#everyone else in the house woke up and came outside..it was a cacophony of crazy sounds!..pandemonium broke..someone wanted to know what the time was so I went for my fon on the bed,it was gone!..my sister's fon too!!!,,hmmm!!..usually I sleep naked with just my 'collar cloth' but thankfully that night I had my morning coat on and belted! cos the weather had a nip in it..like the guy go see things paa..naniaama!!..the fool left his dirty footprint on my sister's clean sheets and she was maaadd!..later I teased her that what if he had given her a Jackie Chan back kick to her chin when she just woke up to chase him.. like she go talk true!!!..lmao!!!..

It will get to a time we won't even use our mouths and bodies anymore.. if we want to kiss we would just send kissing #emojis to each other's fons. .if we want to have sex we would just place each other's fons close to each other tightly for like30mins or a minute (you know yourself Mr One-minute-man!) and copulation accomplished ...if you want a quickie hold the fons together for a quick coupla seconds!...I feel like I'm stuck in between the oldskul and newskul eras .. the newskul era is too fast-paced for me and I'm floundering like a fish outta water...HELP!!!...thanx for reading..#shalom #gaylesgifts


Monday, 27 August 2018

chalewote. .chale daabi!!

      I started attending the #chalewote festival/carnival which is an annual affair in Ghana, since 2015..first experience was blah!..i think we were shocked at the huge crowd and also the types of things #people tried to pass off as 'art'...and my friends and I were so discouraged and disappointed we decided not to attend any other subsequent ''chalewotes'..but funny I've been attending it every year ever since!...incidentally 'chalewote' means 'buddy let's go' in Ga,which is a local dialect in my country, Ghana..also, chalewote is a nickname for flip flops too..which I think is so cool..my initial thought was I'll see everybody at the street carnival wearing all kinds of flip-flops but it was not to be...almost #everyone had on trainers,sandals,loafers, timberlands (i thought that it had gone out of fashion!),and the occasional heels..oh yea people wore heels to a street carnival!..saw some kids running around barefooted and i preferred that cos it was natural and close to the casualness the festival was supposed to preach ..and whiles I'm on footwear I might as well delve into the types of clothing styles I saw...the festival being a #cultural one, clothes made of African fabric should' ve been evident more ..I saw a few people in African fabrics but majority had on western clothes..saw lots of tights and leggings and hot-pants (i saw more buttocks cheeks than fabric!..I don't know why some ladies feel these events call for 'tackiness'..I'm a very simple but edgy woman so I'm very excited when I see fashion-forward people but there's a vast difference between trendy and 'hoochified')..my attire for the last day of this year's fair was an African print cloth(paired with chalewotes (flip-flops) which I just wrapped around myself and behind my neck and off I went!..traditionally it's called 'collar'..drummers in Ghana wear that as their costume,. .clothes are casual and easy to 'wear' cos you just wrap it around yourself anyhow you want it..perfect for our warm weather too...that's my daily wear at home...I wear no clothes,except I'm going out..yet at the fair everyone was complimenting me on it and taking pictures ..in my mind I rolled my eyes cos it's our most commonest type of 'dressing'...and it's no biggie..it also taught me that we're losing our #heritage and we should 'sankofa'!
            And don't get me started on the vendors ..almost every one was selling the same thing when it came to our artifacts and clothing..some vendors just basically pasted pieces of #African prints on an item (for e.g. shoes,bags or even umbrellas) and passed them off as cultural creativity..I thought it was misleading and embarrassing cos we had a lot of tourists and people from the diaspora and other African countries patronizing the carnival..and things made here in our homeland Ghana (woven baskets,clay pots etc) that are supposed to be cheap were so expensive..I just couldn't wrap my brain around the thought of it!..there was a time when Ghanaians didn't appreciate our own culture and artworks..we didn't get what art was,period!..I rember I'll go to the Art Centre with my abrofo friends when they visited the country to buy our artifacts and clothing..way back then seamstresses didn't have the luxury of creativity and so the designs were limited but the whites appreciated them cos African fabrics were used..and the high prices didn't put them off either cos after all converting dollars into cedis made a world of difference! ..now we can make all kinds of western-inspired clothing styles using African print but the annoying thing is everyone is making the same clothes and accessories to sell!..thanx to internet and social media the world is now a global place..our diverse cultural history and ways should be showcased more in a clean and plastic-free environment..the reason for the carnival is defeated when there is not much going on on the art and cultural side of things..no wonder people just come there and literally walk up and down ,up and down,up and down from one end of the fair street to the other and go home without seeing anything worth buying..and because of the amount vendors pay to get a stand they increase the prices of their #goods and wares and even food so the average patron cannot afford it..so most food goes to waste..one would expect prices of things would be rather reduced for everyone to afford..education of our culture should not be a money-making venture..it should be easily accessible by all.
                        This takes me down memory lane..infact two lanes..one was years ago in my teenage years when the OSU STREET CARNIVALS were this 'ish',as my buddy Akua Blakofe would say!..I attended one with my sisters and a cousin and ofcos we walked up and down the streets(it is a street carnival after all!)..but back then there was more art works..there were masqueraders..it was exciting!..so much that I didnt watch where I placed my steps and stepped in a gutter that was full of dirty water and all kinds of unsightly unthinkable unprintable crap..I guess some things never change when it comes to our #sanitation!..chale my white skinny jeans were ruined!..another time I participated in onother Osu street carnival..this time around i was working cos GUINNESS GHANA LIMITED WAS SPONSORING it and I worked with them during that period..the place was packed but you didn't feel claustrophobic unlike the current chalewotes..after spending coupla hours at the carnival i feingned illness and slunk off to a grilled pork party when I was supposed to be working!!..please dont tell anyone...hahahahaha.... let us not leave out our pickpocket friends..they usually have a field day during these events..I rember at one fair I held my medicated glasses tightly in my hand for safety cos I didn't trust my pockets..the #crowd was a brick wall and it took all I had in me to break free and enter the fair venue..when I looked in my hand I had only a stem of my frames left!!..someone actually stole them..I guess my grip had been too tight so he didn't get the whole glasses!..I was so mad but it was funny at the same time..I split my sides in loud belly guffaws!!...I miss those care-free days mehn!
                   Let's talk about the 'artists' who exhibited their 'craft' at the festival...I'm an #artist at heart so I look for the arty angle in everything around me..I love art so much I did fine art during my O's and A levels...and I am also exploring my passion in photography now..I always maintain everything is an art...dancing, writing,eating,talking,body language..even sex is an art so please my 'fufu-pounders' and 'galamseyers' please upgrade yourself with some skills when banging and leave the pounding and digging for the chopbars and mines!. ..chalewote being an ART festival should promise and deliver real art pleasing to the eye..I've always joked 'there's a thin line between art and madness' so sometimes when someone crosses over I dey allow...but today's fair was just summin else...with some of the exhibitions I tried and tried and tried to see the Art in there..I used a mental microscope hoping that maybe it's hidden there in some corner..I thought okay maybe the 'artist crossed over that thin line' so it's art madness...still nothing...and so as Sherlock Holmes said 'when you have excluded the impossible,whatever remains however improbable must be the truth!' so I just concluded most of the Art works was BORLA..that's garbage to my abrofos!..well I'm not surprised cos the average Ghanaian mind doesn't 'lean towards 'creativity nor cleanliness (which is sad cos Ghana is supposed to be a Christian #country with them singing 'cleanliness is next to godliness'...yet the country is engulfed in filth!..I rest my case!)..I saw something that looked like a giant ant hill in a dirty glass case with a guy (I'm assuming he was the creator of that atrocity) sitting akimbo in front of it ..people were taking pictures and I couldn't for the life of me fathom what the hell he was trying to communicate!..I saw another lady,also sitting on the floor,but this time rubbing in circles, what looked like powdered white clay on the floor..then she switched to the redclay version and I was gobsmacked!..was it me who wasn't getting it or it was just plain abodam.. the only thing I found fascinating was the lady's sexy body that her dress couldn't hide!..I didn't bother taking many pictures at the fair cos I didn't see much exciting stuff..mostly rubbish everywhere..the organizers should keep the grounds clean...art and garbage don't mix well..to add insult to injury my camera battery died on me along the line...there were a few things I liked and would 've loved to have taken pics of ..I guess it was all good anyway cos the organizers kept bugging those with cameras for 'accreditation' to be able to take pics with a camera..the registration was for 50Ghana cedis!...like seriously!!!..no bloody way was i gonna pay so good riddance!
          Who allowed the motor bikers into the fair proper??!..I almost had my feet mashed a coupla times by them ..a motorcade came thru the crowd yesterday at top speed and everyone had to run for their lives...we heard it was the president and his entourage..and I'm like, really!!!..what was all that nonsense for?people could've gotten hurt..they didn't even stay for a second..they literally drove up and down the carnival streets and left..sigh!!..I saw one of his bodyguards speed past us on a motorbike. .in fact there were two people on the bike..the one at the back was standing and holding his rusty A-K47 (it's usually the make they use!) high above his head like some antique war relic bi !..I was afraid it'll go off and blow his own face off!..those guns probably don't even work cos they've seen better days!I'm sure when the day came for that gun to be fired ,it'd jam for sho'!!..Ghanaians dont practice the habit of maintenance..we only fix things when they are broken and worse for wear..chale we for change wanna attitude..not cool koraa!
Maja ,my Austrian girlfriend and I decided to walk to the beach by the carnival grounds and we met some 'crookish-looking' old men holding some funny-looking ticket booklets and asked us to pay 'gate' fee to enter...the gate was just two benches placed close together leaving a little space for people to pass thru..we told them we had run out of cash and they said we could enter. .just like that!...in Ghana someone is always trying to make a quick buck out of unsuspecting victims cos the law is not looking over their shoulder..when we got to the beach,called SHATTA BEACH by the way, a foul smell followed us everywhere we went,there was garbage everywhere and I almost stepped in shit a coupla times..don't know whether it was human or animal's. .didn't wana know!...so whiles worrying about where to place your feet we also had to worry about the flies cos they would pick up germs from the open gutters and feces and seek refuge on your food with it or play gymnastics in your esophagus!..oh yea,many of us have swallowed a few flying insects that way.!we decided to take pictures and sat on some car tires..then a guy approached us and asked if we would buy weed!..ei !!. .hahahahhahahah....I was like why us ?did we look like we enjoyed a joint now and then?.. chaaaalee!!..we didn't buy any ofcos ,cos none of us smoked weed..speaking of weed,..my friends bought brownies at last year's chalewote and gave me a piece..everyone ate theirs except for me cos I was a little skeptical since I'd heard stories about weed and brownies..the only thing I was told by my friend was whenever you eventually eat your brownie and you start to see things,don't panic!..ei !!. .when I got home I waited awhile before eating the brownie...OMG!..I realised something was wrong within seconds when I got up to go outside..I immediately sat down on the floor where I sleep..I have a bed but prefer the floor (that's another story for another day!)..then I called the one who gave me the brownie and he laughed and laughed cos I wasn't making any sense..my voice felt so far away..I had an out-of-body experience ,like i was floating. .you see how it is in the kumawood movies when a person's soul separates from his body and stands somewhere to look at his own body..I wonder if I'm even making any sense here!..lol..I got scared at some point cos I didn't know what was happening to me but I calmed down when my friend said the brownie had weed in it and it was supposed to feel that way!...I'm thinking of having some again...*wink wink*!!
                  Back to this year's chalewote!..Maja and I ended up at the foodcourt where the performances were going on..and a friend of mine performed. .shoutout to you Kymani GH..you did a great job!..and thanx for dropping us off home..you're a great but annoying guy..still love u though!..
Having said all this,'will I go for next year's chalewote'?..answer is YES!..would I see the same shit?..YES!..would I be cheesed off?..YES!!...cos I'll focus on the positives( which are the friends I met,some of the proper artworks,some good palm-wine..) ..as they say 'every dark cloud has a silver lining'..see you at chalewote2019!!..thanx for reading..#shalom #gaylesgifts
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