Wednesday 14 February 2018

blue ball[er]s

         Guys always have tricks on how to get us women into bed with them....so many chale!....ladies you'll agree with me,right?....for e.g. you meet a guy..he's interested in you..well he says he is!..he proceeds to take your number...promises to call u blah blah...then u part ways..before you take a step away from him he's already 'whatsapped' you a meme on some religious 'distin'...sigh!....then follows it with some videos of some stupid jokes...*rolling my eyes*.... you get home..he calls u...bombards you with calls infact!...he'll ask you about ur mum,your dad ,your dog, your cat and your parakeet! ...after beating about the bush he'll finally ask you to come visit him..you tell him you can't make it cos you're busy...he settles for lunch so u guys plan to meet for that...you meet..you exchange pleasantries. .you order drinks...you are about to order lunch..mind you,everything's calculated from how much money he intends to spend on you and how much  time with u!..but you're in the dark! ....then he gets a call..or pretends to get one! ..hangs up,turns to you and says he has to make a quick stop home to sort some emergency thing out so you can come back and hopefully finish the 'lunch date '...eiii !!!. ..you can't argue with that so you follow him home...and that's where the real show unfolds!....
           He takes you into his room..no chair,so only option is a bed..by that,i mean an old mattress on the floor!..chale girls abr3!!..we have seen things!!hahahaha...back to my narration!..you sit on the mattress and the guy just pounces on you!..they assume as long as you came into that room,your have offered yourself to be slaughtered!..what happened to reading body language?what happened to adult convo about what we both want?or do they think we forgot he said he was coming home to sort out 'an emergency'?!..but then body no be firewood!..after struggling with his advances you give in..the body betrays you!..oh chale!so you let him kiss you..some guys are so dry!.he chews on your lips for a second,pumps your boobs and head straight for your 'fish'...then you are like 'stop,stop'.....i hear 'stop' means 'continue' so he doesnt stop..then he will say 'chale,make i 'brush' small...why,you be painter?!!!..if you let him 'brush' e go enter for sure!..i will not lie!..if he realizes he ain't opening the cookiejar he would say the words i have heard a billion times, 'i will get blue balls if you dont let me do it'!!...sigh!!..some women pity them and let them 'do it'!...and he thinks he has won!sometimes it is annoying though cos you really feel played even if you know what is going on..and to add salt to injury you later find out it is not even his home, but his friend's!!!...the friend travelled and loaned the place to him!..some of these blueballers still live at home with their parents even though dem 'grew'!!a blueballer will meet you at a party and there knorr device a trick to get into your pants!..blueballers are hit-and-runners! ..it is all a 'physically' sexual benefit for him..no 'strings' for this one!
           I coined the term 'blue-baller' out of my musings on the confusion on why guys never make up their minds on what they want in a relationship..I dunno if it's cos they are afraid of commitment.. or are they just wired to sabotage anything concerning intimate interactions with  woman?...in our local parlance we refer to them as 'konongo kaya' which stands for a guy who is not serious about a woman but wouldn't get out of the way for other serious suitors to have a shot at happiness with her...blueballers,if you  want a girl to be yours for ever,don't be controlling, don't  be religiously  fake and quote all sorts of bible verses bla bla (that women are supposed to be submissive..a man interpretes that as her being servile to him. ..that's so 'obsolete'!),don't tell her what to do,you might as well ask her out and answer for her too!,..she has a mind of her own..that's why you ask her to marry you and she says yes or no depending on how she feels...the trick is to know her for who she is and treat her as such..everybody wants to be loved differently so don't use your parent's or friend's method as a yardstick for wooing a woman...there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to these things...there's no book  for you to read and replicate. .you can get advice though but doesn't mean it's a must to apply it to your relationship..
      A guy I used to date one time wanted us to go out for a drink...I took him to a bar owned by a friend..we sat down and had our drinks..as we were about to leave he said he didn't have money on him!..he wanted me to ask my friend to give him the drinks for free!..if it was just me,i wouldn't have had to pay cos the bar owner and i go way back....but the bill for me and my boyfriend couldn't be wiped out just like that!..I ended up paying!...#blueballer !..... another time I was at BIG BOSS (those who rember the place,raise your hands!) with an old friend having drinks when another male friend (most of my friends are male) called me, wondering were I was...i told him and he wanted to join us..so he came,met my other friend and we all had a good time...when the bill came ,the first guy I went there with,called me aside ,and asked if he has to pay for his share!!!..ebei! !!..no,ma moda go pay!..where do I even start from?..like who for pay?edey expect my other male friend make e pay give am?or  na me go pay?nansins!.......#blueballer !!!!
           A blueballer is one who would go all out to avoid special occasions like birthdays etc.....cos he wouldn't wana invest anything in the celebration of it..not even his time..some would deliberately fight with you few days to the date so as to have an excuse for not seeing you  and certainly not interacting with u..after the day of the 'event' he'll reconnect with u!...I rember when I was a teenager and had started dating for the first time,I noticed that pattern over the years, but I didn't understand what was going on...my then-boyfriend explained to me years later, when we had both moved on, that it was a strategy some guys employed to escape certain responsibilities!..amazing though, when it was his birthday and I got him a gift he was very available to receive it!...so tacky!.....#blueballerthings !!.....today being Valentine's Day ,as purported, people are going to perform this 'disappearing act' on their women for sure!...the pressure be too much from some ladies too...they know their men can't afford certain things but they insist...this day has been so misconstrued to be seen as a day of 'physical actions' ..specifically sex....yet some people can't even afford condoms!..and the rippling effect of this irresponsible acts by some is another topic for another day!...this day is just supposedly a day to express love to anyone and everyone...those you know and those you don't. .love to your own self...but it's been restricted to being mostly celebrated among-st just lovers and so it's not exciting anymore...it has become too commercialized...if you show love everyday then you shouldn't 'be 'afraid ' to still show it on val's day,no?....cos it just would be an extension of what you always do...but if you can't express your love on every other day, you'll be lost as to what to do on this day...and since there's so much noise about it,thanx to social media, you can't avoid it...you can't pretend you dunno what is going on...so people are forced to perform all kinds of magic(pun-intended!) and do things they don't normally do....like disappearing! ....hahahahahaha....the blueballers will mos def agree with me!...not publicly tho!...it's part of their 'game' in the relationship game......mehn sometimes you can't help but love them...lol....
             Why is it so hard to show love you've already professed to someone ? Why should u play games?there's no hard and fast rule(i am saying it again!) when it comes to these things, I know....no two situations are the same...so ofcos people wana express their love in ways that they are comfortable with....some also 'love' the way they see others do it...even when they don't understand those ways..even when they can't afford  it...physically, mentally and even financially. ..we all have been victims one way or the other..and we all have contributed to the 'illusion' of it all...sigh...i love love..i love basking in love and the 'actions' that express it..i like reciprocating love...love should be freely given..it shouldn't be conditional...people shouldn't expect you to do weird things for them before they know you love them...love doesn't demand..it inspires..it liberates...it fulfills..and whoever said 'love hurts' is a damn blueballer!...thanx for reading...#shalom #gaylesgifts