let's get nekkid

        

              Recently I wrote a little on my thoughts concerning the Moesha Boudong saga and ofcos some people were not happy..I wanted to put down here everything I feel about that issue cos it's got to be said!...I come from a #family of liberal outspoken people...we are not governed by any societal or religious rules..we are practical and real and raw..so ofcos people who live by certain regulations are always offended by what we say or feel. .someone actually said he was disappointed MAYBE cos I was blunt and real about the economic situation in our #country and the reasons why people do what they do to survive..oh well , I do not know why he was diasppointed and I dont care!

               Moesha was just a scape-goat in the bigger picture and #people just attacked her cos she brought to the front something that people knew was happening and wanted to keep buried..Ghanaians like to sweep things under the carpet. .but that won't solve anything and it will certainly not stop the rot from getting gangrenous...and also people see her living large so they will judge her for being promiscuous to maintain her lifestyle instead of her getting a 'job'...I'm a woman who's lived in all kinds of situations to survive..done things I didn't want to do just to get ahead in life...it's very hard just being a woman in this country..#women have been objectified by the male specie...it's very very very hard to try to break those chains as a woman who wants to reach her full potential as a human being. ..from childhood to adolescent to adulthood. .from education to career to relationships. ..from one unnecessary sacrifice to an unappreciated compromise to another naive decision just to feel accepted and to belong..ENO EASY!..#people are raised differently so it's very easy to attack what u don't know or understand. ..but that's not the way to go..you have to train yourself to be liberal,open-minded and think outside the box society and religion (specifically Christianity ) has built for people to be in,in order to be accepted. ..

                Some of these rules that were made before our #generation came into existence were due to certain situations at that time so it was feasible..but things are different now and so we must also #change with it..people said if Moesha wants to live expensively she shouldn't blame the economy but herself...but listen to this,and I'm speaking as a woman with good morals from a good home,there are people who have good jobs yet they can't make ends meet because there's an imbalance within the work-reward space..you find yourself working thrice the effort to get a third of the gains...I went to a very good primary #school where I was always first in class...every test we had, I always finished ahead of the allotted time and #always came first above the whole class...I was very clever ..I had potential to succeed and to be great...my late father was a talented surgeon..someone who conducted operations under lantern light when there was blackout. ..he came from a very humble background from the palace in the village and pushed himself to be someone to be emulated...I didn't live with him for long but he taught me that nothing in life was ever permanent...when we lived in Nigeria we lived well...we had a landline when lots of people didn't even know what it was.we never ate out..mum even fried 'toogb33' at home...we were sheltered...people call it 'dadabee'...lol...I very was young then but I had good memories...we never lacked anything...but when we came to Ghana the script just flipped without warning !

                  Education was very important to mummy so in spite of the situation we still got a good #education...it was a struggle where I found myself so lost,so overwhelmed with the intensity of being alone!..like I was the only one on this planet..I got really ill when i was writing my A Levels and I almost gave up on myself and life as whole. .i had big dreams...i wanted to do things for people..I wanted to write books...create great paintings cos I was a talented student artist..I was so good in art and wanted to be a great painter...I loved to read. .I wanted to travel everywhere...I had serious compassion for people..that's why everyone's my friend..from the charcoal seller to the trotro mate to the roasted plantain (kofi brokeman!!) seller to the waakye seller to gays to prostitutes to whomever...some of these things i won't do because that's just not my cup of tea but I've been through stuff where these same people bailed me out...I never judge people and I never discriminate. .I look at your heart and work with that...people are hungry literally and are grateful when u just give them a smile or a hug...Christians who say God is love and came for sinners should learn to do this...let God himself judge and punish sinners...we shouldn't do his work for him...they should practice what their bible and doctrines preach...I'm very disgusted at how people are treated by so-called Christians just cos they want to be real...you can't tell someone 'be yourself' and vilify them when they do..someone's idea of 'being themselves ' is to lie or steal or even sleep around cos that's what comes naturally to them...and most people do things borne out of the will to survive..when you strip us of all our layers of clothing,#money,status,egos,pride and everything else down to our nekkid body,there is just a lost person who wants to be held and loved really!

             When I finished O levels I had to immediately start working to survive...even before that I and my siblings used to sell all kinds of things at the Kaneshie market...from old newspaper to rockbuns to sweets to biscuits to icedwater (back then we sold it in a bucket. .there were cups to go with it..so you'd fetch it for the customer..later there was these plastic bag which the water was measured in and tied)......hmmmm...my first proper job was in a gift shop and it was hard cos I never had time to do anything..not even laundry..cos the hours were long and unrewarding...the point I'm trying to make is #life can be a roller-coaster ride and it can throw you out into the air even when u are strapped tightly in your seat...you can cross all your 'Ts' ,dot all your 'Is' and still drown....when I eventually started dating I learnt quickly people never meant most of what they said...they promised things based on the mood in which they were at the time...I found myself always giving and giving and giving...from advice to money (which I didn't have) to my time and emotions...I was always the pacifier whether I was at fault or not...always ready to smoothen things and let peace reign..don't get me wrong,I'm far from perfect. .I've done things I'm not proud of....one time my sis and I nicked mummy's 20$ back when dollars was like gold !. .I think her cousin came from abrokyire and gave it to her and mum hid it for a rainy day..Joseline and I were so broke so we found and held onto it for awhile ..we didn't spend it immediately for fear of mum's reaction when she found it was gone .mum was feared back then chale!..we didn't want to be sprayed when the shit hit the fan....lol...but she didn't notice it or maybe she just assumed she just couldn't find it..I'll never know!..but we eventually we spent the money...sorry mummy!

             I lived briefly in Italy some years back...I found myself there cos a Ghanaian friend of mine was living there and promised to help me get papers...I had been living in Sweden at the time so he bought the ticket and I found myself in Napoli...Napoli is just like Ghana in terms of the lifestyle, environment etc...we were renting a room from a good Nigerian girl who had been brought to Italy by a Madame who promised her heaven...this girl and I became friends and she told me she had to go through some rituals which was a form of hold the pimps and Madames had over the prostitutes so they couldn't escape. .this girl had been a prostitute for four years and still hadn't got her papers..she had to send money home regularly to her family cos she was the breadwinner....most Africans have this mentality that people live affluently in the Western world and her family wasn't any different..she was tricked into going to Italy to live better and was now paying a heavy price!...meanwhile I had my own issues I was dealing with..my friend,I found out only when I got there,had payed for the papers he had and was using that person's name!...my friend didn't have a job..what he was doing was akin to the 'any work' thingy they do at the Universities in Ghana. .people stand at the bus top and anyone looking for someone to cook,to do their laundry,to help them move house,or anything,comes there and if you're fast enough you'd get the 'contract' that day..it was hard living, it wasn't permanent,was dangerous and unsafe cos you could get killed by the stranger who needed your services and nobody will know...so ofcos he couldn't help me but rather tried several times to get me to sleep with him!..I can never wrap my #brain around this thing guys do!..they say they wana help you yet you have to give them your body too!I always do things for people..I've bought guys airtime,I've loaned them #money (which I mostly didn't get back!),I've given gifts,I get mum to make pastries for friends which I pay for,I've taken guys out for dinner or a drink and I foot the bill..so it's not like I don't know how to also do things for people..I am not rich but i believe in sharing the litte I have.. and I never ask for anything in return...certainly not any sexual favors...but your own friend will ask you to sleep with them before they'll help you..you need a job and they ask for sex..you need bank statements,they ask for sex..you need food,they ask for sex as 'payment '....smh

            Eventually my friend threw me out of his house cos I won't let him have his way with me..it was a very traumatizing period for me cos I had gone to Italy because I trusted him and it was him who suggested he would help me...I also went there cos i wanted an opportunity to empower myself by being independent..so that I could be responsible for myself and my way of living financially...this guy had always been interested in dating me and had been asking out for at least 15yrs and I was not interested so I dont know if it was a ploy to get me into bed with him..I am sure he never had any intention of helping me..and I'm sure someone will say 'why should he help me if I wont date him'!...relationships are not charity projects..if I don't have feelings for you I can't pretend... if I want to exchange sex for favors it should be my choice too and I should not be made to feel bad about it..at least I was honest with him... but he still literally threw my suitcases out of the house but luckily I wasn't stranded cos family took me in.. so I stayed in the country for awhile and went back to Sweden and back home to Ghana.

              People always think I'm angry with men and I attack them unfairly..but I'm just speaking from experience...I just state the facts I have experienced..I know women can be wicked too but I can't talk about what I don't know or haven't done...Moesha might be dating married men but the married men know the deal..it's an agreement they had which works for them..someone is dating a single guy who will not help out his partner when she needs it and even when he can afford to...I'm someone who wasn't trained to depend on a man for everything...my childhood taught me to fend for myself but I also need help sometimes.. I don't expect someone to do everything for me because I am very independent...though I don't have the habit of always asking for #favors from men it doesn't change the fact that I need support too..doesn't change the fact that I don't pretend to be self-made....when I gather the courage to ask for help I always get 'you don't give me sex yet you want something from me'..how about the time I spend with u?how about the calls I make to u?how about making sure you get home safe when you're too drunk to know your asshole from a hole in the ground? yes,you know yourself!..if you don't have an open mind you'll never get the things I say...you'll always think I'm condescending. .you'll think I don't make mistakes..that I don't cry..that I'm never sad....that I don't get hurt...I do!..I just speak bluntly without sugarcoating anything....

           There are no jobs. .I searched for employment for years and years...I went for so many interviews it felt like my job was going for interviews! ..hmmm....I got frustrated...I got depressed...eventually my sis and I started a business and that has its own challenges..people have no money to purchase goods so how can a business grow if the customers only want to buy on credit?and we all know Ghana is not a credit-worthy country and people, so do the math!...the economy is fucked up!..Arm robbery is on the rise and instead of the government,especially Otiko singling Moesha out,they should fix the fire and not the smoke..Moesha was just a rippling effect of our crap economy. ..create jobs for our youth and give them a better foundation to launch their lives from...when Otiko was attacked on her hairstyle I said people should focus on her capabilities rather than her appearance. .i said her hairstyle was just her expression of her personality..the same way she defended her hairstyle and wanted not to be judged for being herself, same way Moesha feels. ..all that was important was that Otiko gave good results...only for her to say young girls should cover up to avoid being raped!..they shouldn't wear short skirts...and I'm thinking what will u tell the goats and sheep that have been raped?cover up your hooves?!..cover up your hindlegs?!and the babies that have been defiled, will u tell them to cover up their diapers?me that not one,not two, but three friends tried to rape cos I went to visit them,what will u tell me?..'don not visit male friends????!!!!...the first time it happened I was not even fully developed physically..I had no boobs.and I certainly had no miniskirt on!..I wasn't even aware of myself as a woman..how about when I was a toddler and an 'uncle' put his penis in my hand to hold????!!!!!..kids start developing memories as young as a yr old and by three they develop their personalities..so I rember what that man did!.. I was too young to protest but I rember!..I just didn't have a voice..most people need someone to speak for them...I was very disappointed in Otiko Djaba cos 'to whom much is given much is expected'....most of the time the perpetrators of these sickening atrocities are close to you!..people you love and trust....people are sick in the head and will do what they want to do..what someone wears or doesn't wear is just an #expression of one's personality,just like you Otiko..we should start from the homes like I always say..things people see their parents or loved ones do,whether good or not, is what they emulate..and what Otiko wrote concerning Moesha was unnecessary and blah! cos Moesha didn't say she was speaking on authority for all Ghanaians..there's always the RULE and there's the exception to the rule..do not get it twisted...Madame Otiko, focus on the main issues,do your homework well and come again!..thanx for reading..#shalom #gaylesgifts

shishi

          ' Shishi' in one of  Ghana,my country's local dialect means 'under','beneath','below'.....I'm sure you get the general picture...when you think of the bottom part of something,think 'shishi'!...this whole blog arose from a convo I was having with one of my sisters (shoutouts Joseline !) recently ..we were reminiscing about out childhood escapades as usual...then we started talking about 'shishi'...every African knows shishi..well not necessarily the nickname shishi but they might call  'bottom' by another dialect..shishi basically is the burnt bottom part of most rice dishes..in this case,waakye (a rice and beans dish..made Brown by a special leave),white rice,jollof rice (a rice dish cooked in a tomato sauce. .outcome;red rice!)... In Africa we like to overcook our meals most of the time..same applies to our rice meals...they keep the rice on fire long after it's cooked and the result is the burnt bottom...shishi to you!..lots of people love it,my mum inclusive! And when we were kids you always found a piece of shishi on your plate. .I used to wonder whether it was some sort of garnishing for the meal or sometin! ..i have always hated shishi cos it is dry and crunchy and gets stuck in my molars.. and it was hard to get it out!..my mum always put it on my meal even though she knew i hated it..maybe she forgot or she just was hoping i'll one day be converted..that's how much she loved her shishi..she still loves it and I still hate it!.. my mum liked it really blackened..maybe it's cos she's really 'black ' in complexion!...hehehehe ....anybody who came looking for her at home would say I'm looking for the very dark-colored woman!'..or 'wu maame  na oy3 tuuntuum paa nu ?. Literally translated in my local dialect to 'is your mum that really dark complexioned woman?'...My family members love shishi so much they converted my mini-me at her very tender age..the poor sod is only 3 and she loves 'kanzo'...kanzo is another nickname for burnt rice!..everytime i ask her,'what did u eat at school today?'..she replies, 'kanzo!!!' .always cracked me up!.....hahahahahahaha.....she is so adorable!..
          Another sister of mine (yo Sophia!) loves shishi to this day!.she'll always remind me to buy her 'carpet' whenever I was going to buy waakye..carpet is another fond 'nickname' for burnt rice bottom..seeing as you can peel a whole piece of it from the pot and it comes out looking like a piece of carpet..and the waakye sellers actually put the pieces of shishi from that day's cooking aside for those who love it and they actually sell it!. .yes,shishi get class paa!.... anytime we cooked a rice meal at home you'd hear Sophia and my mum later scraping away at the bottom of the pot for shishi..scrape scrape scrape..scrape scrape scrape...and I'll be cringing and rolling my eyes nearby!..I really dunno what they get out of it..shishi has not got any healthy nutrients. .everything has been long gone with the overcooking and burning!..well lots of things we enjoy doing doesn't add anything valuable to our lives but we do it...for e.g.investing our time and energy over and over again in relationships that are doomed even from the start!we keep adding and adding and adding to the bottomless pit of misery and expecting some positive results..which never happens!..we wake up in the morning and start all over again..it's just a waste of everything...life is meant to be enjoyed with people who genuinely love and appreciate you and your love..we live only once so make it count by doing meaningful things that will benefit you first before anyone else..one blind man cannot lead another blind man cos they will both fall in a ditch!
          My sis Sophia is also addicted to ice.. I didn't know how bad it was until she came for ice from my fridge one time and within minutes brought it back..she said she didn't like its 'look'..she started rummaging in my freezer for another 'type of ice'....and I'm sitting there thinking 'what look does ice have apart from what we all know!'...apparently there are different types oo!..ei !!. .she then proceeded to explain to me how some ice after being formed has an opaque look. .some have a 'transparent' look...'cracked' look...'smooth' look....it was a serious moment..*laughing out loud at the memory of it all again!*....*rolling my eyes* at the same time!...aside all of this she puts down any slight discomfort in her body to her ice addiction!..
                ...any headache was brought on as a result of the' iceblock' EATING habit...any leg pain she has was the ice's fault! sigh...she really dey drive me bonkers waa !!. .cos it's me she'll come to for the ice and it's the same me who has to explain it's just cold water basically at the end of the day..yet we have this same convo let's say once a month!...smh...she's made an ice-addict out of Pebbles,our German shepherd.she uses her paws to fish out the ice from her water bowl onto the floor so can lick it..can u blame her,dogs are always warm and their breath can fry and egg!...Sophia also introduced Ice to my two mini-mes  (the plenty training started early for them!)and the youngest,just a year old is a pro!...chale!..those tiny fingers go for the tiny ice slivers and ofcos straight to her mouth like nobody's business!
       I have a confession to make..I also have my own thing i was addicted to!..when we were way younger we used to live with a family we had sort of adopted as our own..they lived with us in our family home ..the wife had a small grocery stall and she sold all kinds of things from biscuits to sweets to sugarcane to roasted peanuts (another addiction of mine which is still ongoing!) to dry white clay....we call it shire or ayilo..it's used mostly for decoration on the body during traditional dances and 'shenanigans'.. someway somehow people started eating the clay for all sorts of reasons..some as a result of pregnancy-related cravings,some were pica 'moves',some as a delicacy  (believe it or not!) ..there's so much 'controversy' surrounding this issue...it got so that a negative connotation was attached to the eating of it..some even believed it was a superstitious 'habit';why wouldn't they?you can't be in Africa and not be a tad or totally superstitious!..if u ate shire  they said u were possessed by a demon..you can imagine the mental torture this addiction cost me!I was so embarrassed  and fearful someone outside my nuclear family would find out and point fingers!people also said it made u anemic cos the clay 'absorbed' all your blood..how that's possible I have no clue!..I tried reading about it tho and i discovered that when you have heavy menstrual flows and lose all that blood you start to crave for certain stuff which can be found in the the clay..I'm not an expert so I'm only speaking as a lay person...I have very heavy flows so who knows maybe that's why I started eating the earth..or maybe I just fall under the pica category..its like a catch-22 situation...hmmmm
           Whichever the reason I found myself addicted to this thing,if I may call it so..it started with me nicking one or two dry , cylindrical clay 'rolls'...lemme explain how I heard it was done..wet clay is rolled into all kinds of sizes and baked dry ...they got tiny ones all the way to large fist-size ones .....then it was packed into baskets according to size  and taken to the 'market' for 'consumption '...I got so into it that I knew all the types..some had more gravel than clay,and I hated those ones!..some were mostly sand,ofcos I hated them!..some shire/ayilo were clay[ey] yet hard, I didn't like those ones...the ones i liked were the proper clay that melted in your mouth...thinking about it back then always made me swallow saliva. .that's how much I was addicted..I later learnt I could get worms as a result cos some clay had all types of parasites that layed eggs in them and if you ate them you know what would happen...I didn't know at first!when I became a clay-eating pro I became very technical in my journey...I'll make sure I dewormed every other month...hwerh!I was afraid wai!..lol...yet i couldn't stop..I had a couple of dry spells where for like two separate times I just went off it for two-year periods then came back on then went off it then fell off the wagon again!..chale girls abr3!!!..the addiction was so bad I even took coupla bags of it with me on some European travels!..ei, I loved that shit!..I used to imagine filling a plate with lots of them and adding stew and having it for lunch with cutlery!..I think I was a little crazy!..just like Sophie is on her ice-block/kanzo shenanigans. ..
          When mummy found out about this ayilo thing she wasn't happy..she told my dad(on one of his rare visits to Ghana from Nigeria) and made it look so bad...I denied it..since i couldn't stop it I started hiding it yet she still caught me..she would actually look through my hidden cache and I'll find out she's thrown them away!..I decided to be a step ahead of her ...I managed to find out how she knew I was still eating it cos I thought I hid the addiction well..I later realized she knew some signs I had missed..e.g. after eating the shire it dries on your lips and leaves a white ring..so i made sure l licked my lips well well so nothing gave me away...also because shire doesn't digest it just came out when there's a bowel movement...it coats your whole stomach and organs and could block your intestines and i was a victim of that..I constipated a lot...and my bowel movement was always grey cos that was the color of ayilo..when i realized how much damage eating it was causing me i was already in the last stages of addiction and just couldn't back out..I just couldn't! And to make matters worse it was so cheap...easily affordable..easily acquired...sometimes the ayilo breaks up ,cos it was too dry maybe, and the sellers sold those ones even more cheaper than the whole ones ..ofcos yours truly went for those mostly!!..chale! ..I can't believe I'm opening up about this!.only my mum n sisters knew about it..and dad ofcos,after mummy snitched to him!.couple of years ago I just went off it again and i haven't had any craving for it since then!..I'm so glad cos it caused me more harm than good....this has been so therapeutic for me..I had wanted to write this issue under a blog titled 'addictions' but it ended up here!..life is like that..sometimes you just have to go where it takes u..I hope u learned something from it all...thanx for reading...#shalom #gaylesgifts