Saturday 28 September 2019

my name is Adjo

       I never knew a day would come when I'll be so proud of this name!..knowing the tribe I belong to in Ghana and it's negative connotation you'd understand where I'm coming from..when I was growing up my dad and everyone else called me Adjo and ofcos it didn't mean anything to me cos I grew up in an environment where English was the only spoken language,seeing as mummy was Akuapem from Gyakiti,Akuamu Fie and Daddy was from Vakpo in the Volta region..both couldn't speak speak each other's local dialect so English it was!..so I speak English..I think English..I eat English..I write English..I'm horny in English !!. .*wink wink*!..
       When we came back to live in Ghana I was introduced to my mum's people first cos we lived in her family home,the house she grew up in..they spoke twi so gradually I learnt to speak it..it was a bit of a struggle cos everywhere we went people automatically spoke English with us and till this day people laugh at me when I speak twi . .they say I do it with an accent!..I've become very self-conscious about it..it was the same when I was in school. .my mates thought I was pretending not to 'know' the language..that I was pretending to be someone who grew up in the western world and all I could speak was English...it was a very hard time for me which added to my low self esteem..I just coiled further into my shell and never talked much..
     Dad's people spoke Ewe and I never learnt the language cos I didn't live with him nor his family for long..it hurts me cos that was my identity and I feel lost...my name is Adjo..the name given to a girl from the volta region born on monday..when I was younger everyone called me Adjo...when I got into my teens and slowly began to realise how Ghanaians regarded ewes I did everything possible to 'dismiss' that name and use only my English name..sad ,cos I'm not English but that is what my people appreciated more than the most important thing that gave us our identity...names are very important. .soon as you hear someone's name you easily know which country they come from...it hurts me that in Ghana there's too much 'tribalism' and people just stereotype u based on just that...I almost lost my sense of self cos I couldn't be allowed to be a proud Ghanaian.
      People assume I'm not Ghanaian because of my looks...that I can't do anything about...but in the course of the years I've slowly come into myself as a proud African. .a proud Ghanaian at that..though there's so much that can be done to make Ghana a proud country I still lift my head up knowing I belong somewhere which is saying much cos lots of people don't have that privilege...I started adding Adjo to all my official documents...cos I wasn't ashamed anymore and I knew I wasn't what people thought of my tribe..I was so much more than that..I decided to tell everyone I was called Adjo cos I had an answer for anyone who pressumed to 'know' me just cos of my name..ewes have been associated with juju and witchcraft and evil doings...I don't dabble in those things...I'm not evil...they forgot to add that ewe women are beautiful and regal and intelligent and go-getters,which I proudly am!!..if you think otherwise,sue me!..or shoot me,which ever suits you!..it is ALWAYS hard to accept who you are and own it but when u do,nothing is more
fulfilling!
        I'm a 41year old woman.I am very single and very sensual..very happy...lots of people are shocked at my age cos they say I look way younger!..I'll put my looks down to good genes and also to staying away from bullshit..I'm a walking bullshit-o-meter..hehehe...I always go for the shock factor and this is something new to those who knew me in my teens...cos I used to be the opposite..very clingy,very insecure,very unhappy, very depressed. .
          I had a serious case of inferiority complex because my dad wasn't in our lives when I was six....it was so bad that eventually I had a nervous breakdown whiles writing my Alevels..i had suicidal thoughts a lot...it was a very tough time for me cos I couldn't share it with anyone..though i tried to tell a few people about my pain,they didnt get it..all i did was cry and cry and cry some more.. when I started dating I saw my dad in every man I met and I was so insecure cos I knew they would leave like my dad did..so i would deliberately date guys i knew were toxic .
         I bottled up everything inside and eventually exploded!..when  I was three an 'uncle' put his penis in my hand and today I know it was sexual abuse but back then I was too young to comprehend what it was not to talk of putting it into words to tell someone...that's one of the issues with people today..people are not very understanding of other people's pain and so we tend to just bottle things up hoping it'll go away.putting yourslef out there in your rawness and imperfections is very very very hard cos of the insults and judgemental attitude from others.. people always try to caution me not to be real but as you can tell i don't listen to them!
      Your mental health is not to be taken lightly...when i had my nervous breakdown i thought i was going crazy...my mum took me to churches for prayers initially and i was just getting worse by the day...i was physically and emotionally drained.. eventually she had the foresight to take me to the hospital..
.finally I got better...to aid me in my healing process I started keeping diaries.
   Years later I would sometimes go and read old stuff I wrote to remind me of how far I've come..with time i started a blogsite and that's where I poured out my heart and my pain..what I've been through is what inspires my vision to want to be a counsellor to help others .we all go through pain and if it's not dealt with properly it could manifest itself in more harmful ways in future...today I know why I was like that back then and I vowed never to put myself through that again..you and only you are responsible for your happiness.
       No one is equipped to handle all your emotional requirements cos they're not even done with theirs yet.'for better or for worse is a fallacy' and some people get disillusioned quickly and learn to be more independent by enjoying their individuality in their relationships, while others would rather suffer it through and take those words literally ...being real with yourself is the most liberating thing ever..you feel free.. you feel young..being single is orgasmic cos you use that time to 'learn' yourself and love yourself.
       I always say my personality gives me multiple orgasms all the time cos I dey feel masef too much!..when you enjoy being single you'll enjoy being in a relationship/marriage cos you'll learn quickly that you can be with somebody but still be 'alone' most of the time! I remain MzTooknow..
Thanx for enjoying my mind.shalom #gaylesgifts