1+1=3

              

           I loved #school...oh I really did!...I loved literature and English and Art (especially drawing and painting..I was really good at it!)...but guess what!I hated Math!!!...back then I hated it cos that was how the schooling system went...they had a list of subjects every student was 'judged' by and if you didn't pass the accepted grades, fogerrittt!!!..it was like you didn't know shit!...when I got older and experienced more enlightenment, I knew I didn't hate Math,I just didn't understand it..also it wasn't my forte and the more I didn't get it the more I got frustrated, and the more i got frustrated the more 'getting it' got farther and farther away from me ...it's akin to society and it's views on marriage..if you're not married at a certain age then there must be something wrong with u!..so you feel ostracized if you're not married..you feel like an outcast...you're sorta declared persona non Grata...so you find yourself doing all kinda things to be married to belong..or you're always on the defensive about why you're not married..and you risk coming off like you hate marriage or that you're a feminist..and you know what 'feminism' means in Africa. ..that you dont need a man..you're not 'submissive'..which actually means you're a disrespectful woman...I could go on and on and on...I wonder what they say about unmarried #men though....do they go through what we women go through?..hmmmmmm

            Every body has what their brain is equipped to process and understand and execute well..what I simply mean is we all have our individual #talents...be it talking,cooking,writing,selling, shoe-making,driving a cab,etc ....that's why someone said 'if you judge a fish by its inability to climb a tree then you're committing the most injustice ever!'...those are not the exact words the person used but you catch my drift,right?. ...somethings come easy to certain people...so if you don't get somethings you shouldn't be discouraged. .just know it's not for u!..find what you're good at and hone it!...one plus one is not always two...one plus one can equal three!..I feel our education system should be revamped already...a lot of people were conditioned to feel trapped in school cos they felt if they didn't go through that process they wouldn't be able to fit in society's idea of a successful person...they won't get good jobs which in essence means no source of livelihood ...'education is the key' I hear someone say...'key to what' I ask?... don't get me wrong, getting some sort of guidelines to equip you with knowledge is important...the question though is am I getting the right knowledge which is essential for what my IQ is capable of handling?..a lot of us,including myself ,wasted many years and resources we didn't have on a path we didn't have any business being on....I'm saying that cos today I'm doing things I knew I liked already at a very tender #age..I knew that I was good at those things ..my Art,my writing,etc...but I had to go through someone else's 'path' of knowledge search to get back on my path!...what a waste!!

           It's about time we #focus more on home schooling for younger children...they know early on in life what they love doing..the Government should recognize homeschooling as an accepted form of 'education' alongside the other schools for specific sectors..example fashion,media,acting etc...the parents and guardians get to spend time with their kids and also help them discover their talents...it's like killing two birds with one stone....due to the internet age most parents don't spend time with their kids no more...they just get them a tablet of sorts to keep them company...kids as young as a year old already know how to use a mobile fon when their brain is not even developed enough to grasp what the #device is and what it entails to use one...as young as three year-olds already are playing internet games. ..we are losing our kids..we are losing the generations to come....and we should sit up!...we should expand on our scope of knowledge search and gathering..let us leave the stone age where it belongs..in the past!

           Look at someone like Kwame Despite (from Ghana )for example..everyone knows his story...he's not 'educated' in the #traditional sense but He's very successful and kind and generous to boot...He's given lots of people a chance to earn a living...on the other hand I know graduates who are still job searching after five or even ten years of graduating from UNIVERSITY..some even had to pay for those certificates cos their brain wasn't equipped to deal with the mandated syllabus. ..some had to sleep with affluent people to pay their way through. ...some had to exchange sexual favors for grades....some had to exchange sexual favors for jobs because that paper meant nutin to some people....there was this story of a graduate who ended up selling bread on the streets...and later built a successful bread business out of it..if he'd not been forced to go through the 'education' system he would've started his bread business way back and wouldn't have bothered getting 'educated'..for me,education means learning to read and write basic things..and also knowing general stuff about the weather,food,etc..a little bit of math,science etc..general things about life...which any parent or guardian should be able to do for their ward....we #learn a lot as we grow older ...experience is the best teacher...when the child shows interest in certain subjects then you can take them to designated institutions for those specific areas.....a lot of dropouts (I always hated that word!..so derogatory!) 'dropped out' cos that's not where they wanted to be..they shouldn't BE made to feel bad about that....look at Ebony(may she RIP) for example...she became a successful artist after dropping out of school..yet she was made to feel like it was a sacrifice...THOUGH it wasn't...singing put food on her table..isn't that what they said education would do?. .she could read and write..she was articulate and she was doing what she loved and was good at it..too bad her dreaam was cut short not long after it was realized! ....chale!...

                 I studied Marketing many years ago when people didn't know what it was...I myself was lost as to what it entailed but I chose to study it cos I couldn't get go to University (for crap reasons )and I had to still get 'educated' even though I'd finished A Levels!!...that course was expensive...it was a UK affiliated #course so ofcos I had to pay in pounds!...e hard oo!!..I had many challenges getting the funds,pounds I meant!...sigh!!....eventually i didn't even bother finishing the 3rd level...I could only complete the first two levels....it's been so long I can't even rember the names of the levels!....then I proceeded to job hunt for years and years based on the certificate I had...and I struggled to get a good job...when you have a marketing cert in Ghana your options of job 'capabilities are limited....you can't go looking for a bank job if you didn't study banking....yet in some cases people studied one thing and ended up working in a different field...take for e.g. ,my good buddy Gideon Aryeequaye who studied science in school but ended up as a news anchor. .and he loved doing it!...the system is comme ci comme ça....hmmmm....they have created structures that is not very #reliable.

        Some of the Universities these days charge an arm and a leg to provide education. ..and every year the fees increases. ..parents are practically selling their livers to give their kids an education....they want them to become lawyers and doctors even though the kids don't want to...even when they are not capable of doing it...most kids feel forced to study these subjects not only cos society says so but also their parents too!!....pressure pressure pressure!..another derogatory word I hated and still hate is 'illiterate '....just cos someone didn't get educated in a building he's automatically labelled 'illiterate' ....but the person might have life education which can be more valuable than anything else....being a graduate today is overrated!..working in an office,as my friend Akua Blakofe recently said ,is overrated. .working 9-5 is overrated .wearing an ill-fitting suit and sweating like a fish outta water is overrated...who asked us to wear suits to the office anyway?..suits are made for certain body types and weather ....you'll see #someone forcing his monstrous bulk into a suit and tie. .with all his muffin - tops and love handles spilling out of the pants like there's no tomorrow!...and the tie digging into the skin of his neck like he's committing suicide with a hanger's noose !..imagine someone's image of a serious,successful person is trying to sell you business drenched in sweat and rumpled and dusty from walking in this relentless heat of ours!...would you take that person serious?..please sew and wear clothes that fit your body type for work or anywhere else..suits are for those who have the body to pull it off...wear clothes that will make your body breathe freely..clothes that will minimize sweating..plenty of us can't afford our own cars with A-C..I went through this same longsleeved-shirted/suited era when I worked briefly with Stanchart Bank..the pay was crap and so I always arrived at the client's soaked in sweat from sitting in trotros and baking in the Ghana heat!..I have a flat arse so no I wont wear fake-hipped clothes that will make me look like a tree in a tent..know what works for your body type,i say again!......our lawyers please stop wearing them stupid wigs and gowns...I sweat when I see them clad in them!...urgh!!!!over 60years of Independence indeed!..ma foot!

        Way back our #African prints were only appreciated by the tourists ..Ghanaians sewed only Kaba and slit with those fabrics..but thankfully today things have changed and suddenly we appreciate our fabrics..instead of that government idea of only wearing Ghana prints to work on only Fridays, it should be made WEAR AFRICAN print clothes to WORK...to WEAR anywhere else everyday and anytime!...let us take back our lost identity as Africans!..thanx for reading! ..#shalom #gaylesgifts

...

let's get nekkid

        

              Recently I wrote a little on my thoughts concerning the Moesha Boudong saga and ofcos some people were not happy..I wanted to put down here everything I feel about that issue cos it's got to be said!...I come from a #family of liberal outspoken people...we are not governed by any societal or religious rules..we are practical and real and raw..so ofcos people who live by certain regulations are always offended by what we say or feel. .someone actually said he was disappointed MAYBE cos I was blunt and real about the economic situation in our #country and the reasons why people do what they do to survive..oh well , I do not know why he was diasppointed and I dont care!

               Moesha was just a scape-goat in the bigger picture and #people just attacked her cos she brought to the front something that people knew was happening and wanted to keep buried..Ghanaians like to sweep things under the carpet. .but that won't solve anything and it will certainly not stop the rot from getting gangrenous...and also people see her living large so they will judge her for being promiscuous to maintain her lifestyle instead of her getting a 'job'...I'm a woman who's lived in all kinds of situations to survive..done things I didn't want to do just to get ahead in life...it's very hard just being a woman in this country..#women have been objectified by the male specie...it's very very very hard to try to break those chains as a woman who wants to reach her full potential as a human being. ..from childhood to adolescent to adulthood. .from education to career to relationships. ..from one unnecessary sacrifice to an unappreciated compromise to another naive decision just to feel accepted and to belong..ENO EASY!..#people are raised differently so it's very easy to attack what u don't know or understand. ..but that's not the way to go..you have to train yourself to be liberal,open-minded and think outside the box society and religion (specifically Christianity ) has built for people to be in,in order to be accepted. ..

                Some of these rules that were made before our #generation came into existence were due to certain situations at that time so it was feasible..but things are different now and so we must also #change with it..people said if Moesha wants to live expensively she shouldn't blame the economy but herself...but listen to this,and I'm speaking as a woman with good morals from a good home,there are people who have good jobs yet they can't make ends meet because there's an imbalance within the work-reward space..you find yourself working thrice the effort to get a third of the gains...I went to a very good primary #school where I was always first in class...every test we had, I always finished ahead of the allotted time and #always came first above the whole class...I was very clever ..I had potential to succeed and to be great...my late father was a talented surgeon..someone who conducted operations under lantern light when there was blackout. ..he came from a very humble background from the palace in the village and pushed himself to be someone to be emulated...I didn't live with him for long but he taught me that nothing in life was ever permanent...when we lived in Nigeria we lived well...we had a landline when lots of people didn't even know what it was.we never ate out..mum even fried 'toogb33' at home...we were sheltered...people call it 'dadabee'...lol...I very was young then but I had good memories...we never lacked anything...but when we came to Ghana the script just flipped without warning !

                  Education was very important to mummy so in spite of the situation we still got a good #education...it was a struggle where I found myself so lost,so overwhelmed with the intensity of being alone!..like I was the only one on this planet..I got really ill when i was writing my A Levels and I almost gave up on myself and life as whole. .i had big dreams...i wanted to do things for people..I wanted to write books...create great paintings cos I was a talented student artist..I was so good in art and wanted to be a great painter...I loved to read. .I wanted to travel everywhere...I had serious compassion for people..that's why everyone's my friend..from the charcoal seller to the trotro mate to the roasted plantain (kofi brokeman!!) seller to the waakye seller to gays to prostitutes to whomever...some of these things i won't do because that's just not my cup of tea but I've been through stuff where these same people bailed me out...I never judge people and I never discriminate. .I look at your heart and work with that...people are hungry literally and are grateful when u just give them a smile or a hug...Christians who say God is love and came for sinners should learn to do this...let God himself judge and punish sinners...we shouldn't do his work for him...they should practice what their bible and doctrines preach...I'm very disgusted at how people are treated by so-called Christians just cos they want to be real...you can't tell someone 'be yourself' and vilify them when they do..someone's idea of 'being themselves ' is to lie or steal or even sleep around cos that's what comes naturally to them...and most people do things borne out of the will to survive..when you strip us of all our layers of clothing,#money,status,egos,pride and everything else down to our nekkid body,there is just a lost person who wants to be held and loved really!

             When I finished O levels I had to immediately start working to survive...even before that I and my siblings used to sell all kinds of things at the Kaneshie market...from old newspaper to rockbuns to sweets to biscuits to icedwater (back then we sold it in a bucket. .there were cups to go with it..so you'd fetch it for the customer..later there was these plastic bag which the water was measured in and tied)......hmmmm...my first proper job was in a gift shop and it was hard cos I never had time to do anything..not even laundry..cos the hours were long and unrewarding...the point I'm trying to make is #life can be a roller-coaster ride and it can throw you out into the air even when u are strapped tightly in your seat...you can cross all your 'Ts' ,dot all your 'Is' and still drown....when I eventually started dating I learnt quickly people never meant most of what they said...they promised things based on the mood in which they were at the time...I found myself always giving and giving and giving...from advice to money (which I didn't have) to my time and emotions...I was always the pacifier whether I was at fault or not...always ready to smoothen things and let peace reign..don't get me wrong,I'm far from perfect. .I've done things I'm not proud of....one time my sis and I nicked mummy's 20$ back when dollars was like gold !. .I think her cousin came from abrokyire and gave it to her and mum hid it for a rainy day..Joseline and I were so broke so we found and held onto it for awhile ..we didn't spend it immediately for fear of mum's reaction when she found it was gone .mum was feared back then chale!..we didn't want to be sprayed when the shit hit the fan....lol...but she didn't notice it or maybe she just assumed she just couldn't find it..I'll never know!..but we eventually we spent the money...sorry mummy!

             I lived briefly in Italy some years back...I found myself there cos a Ghanaian friend of mine was living there and promised to help me get papers...I had been living in Sweden at the time so he bought the ticket and I found myself in Napoli...Napoli is just like Ghana in terms of the lifestyle, environment etc...we were renting a room from a good Nigerian girl who had been brought to Italy by a Madame who promised her heaven...this girl and I became friends and she told me she had to go through some rituals which was a form of hold the pimps and Madames had over the prostitutes so they couldn't escape. .this girl had been a prostitute for four years and still hadn't got her papers..she had to send money home regularly to her family cos she was the breadwinner....most Africans have this mentality that people live affluently in the Western world and her family wasn't any different..she was tricked into going to Italy to live better and was now paying a heavy price!...meanwhile I had my own issues I was dealing with..my friend,I found out only when I got there,had payed for the papers he had and was using that person's name!...my friend didn't have a job..what he was doing was akin to the 'any work' thingy they do at the Universities in Ghana. .people stand at the bus top and anyone looking for someone to cook,to do their laundry,to help them move house,or anything,comes there and if you're fast enough you'd get the 'contract' that day..it was hard living, it wasn't permanent,was dangerous and unsafe cos you could get killed by the stranger who needed your services and nobody will know...so ofcos he couldn't help me but rather tried several times to get me to sleep with him!..I can never wrap my #brain around this thing guys do!..they say they wana help you yet you have to give them your body too!I always do things for people..I've bought guys airtime,I've loaned them #money (which I mostly didn't get back!),I've given gifts,I get mum to make pastries for friends which I pay for,I've taken guys out for dinner or a drink and I foot the bill..so it's not like I don't know how to also do things for people..I am not rich but i believe in sharing the litte I have.. and I never ask for anything in return...certainly not any sexual favors...but your own friend will ask you to sleep with them before they'll help you..you need a job and they ask for sex..you need bank statements,they ask for sex..you need food,they ask for sex as 'payment '....smh

            Eventually my friend threw me out of his house cos I won't let him have his way with me..it was a very traumatizing period for me cos I had gone to Italy because I trusted him and it was him who suggested he would help me...I also went there cos i wanted an opportunity to empower myself by being independent..so that I could be responsible for myself and my way of living financially...this guy had always been interested in dating me and had been asking out for at least 15yrs and I was not interested so I dont know if it was a ploy to get me into bed with him..I am sure he never had any intention of helping me..and I'm sure someone will say 'why should he help me if I wont date him'!...relationships are not charity projects..if I don't have feelings for you I can't pretend... if I want to exchange sex for favors it should be my choice too and I should not be made to feel bad about it..at least I was honest with him... but he still literally threw my suitcases out of the house but luckily I wasn't stranded cos family took me in.. so I stayed in the country for awhile and went back to Sweden and back home to Ghana.

              People always think I'm angry with men and I attack them unfairly..but I'm just speaking from experience...I just state the facts I have experienced..I know women can be wicked too but I can't talk about what I don't know or haven't done...Moesha might be dating married men but the married men know the deal..it's an agreement they had which works for them..someone is dating a single guy who will not help out his partner when she needs it and even when he can afford to...I'm someone who wasn't trained to depend on a man for everything...my childhood taught me to fend for myself but I also need help sometimes.. I don't expect someone to do everything for me because I am very independent...though I don't have the habit of always asking for #favors from men it doesn't change the fact that I need support too..doesn't change the fact that I don't pretend to be self-made....when I gather the courage to ask for help I always get 'you don't give me sex yet you want something from me'..how about the time I spend with u?how about the calls I make to u?how about making sure you get home safe when you're too drunk to know your asshole from a hole in the ground? yes,you know yourself!..if you don't have an open mind you'll never get the things I say...you'll always think I'm condescending. .you'll think I don't make mistakes..that I don't cry..that I'm never sad....that I don't get hurt...I do!..I just speak bluntly without sugarcoating anything....

           There are no jobs. .I searched for employment for years and years...I went for so many interviews it felt like my job was going for interviews! ..hmmm....I got frustrated...I got depressed...eventually my sis and I started a business and that has its own challenges..people have no money to purchase goods so how can a business grow if the customers only want to buy on credit?and we all know Ghana is not a credit-worthy country and people, so do the math!...the economy is fucked up!..Arm robbery is on the rise and instead of the government,especially Otiko singling Moesha out,they should fix the fire and not the smoke..Moesha was just a rippling effect of our crap economy. ..create jobs for our youth and give them a better foundation to launch their lives from...when Otiko was attacked on her hairstyle I said people should focus on her capabilities rather than her appearance. .i said her hairstyle was just her expression of her personality..the same way she defended her hairstyle and wanted not to be judged for being herself, same way Moesha feels. ..all that was important was that Otiko gave good results...only for her to say young girls should cover up to avoid being raped!..they shouldn't wear short skirts...and I'm thinking what will u tell the goats and sheep that have been raped?cover up your hooves?!..cover up your hindlegs?!and the babies that have been defiled, will u tell them to cover up their diapers?me that not one,not two, but three friends tried to rape cos I went to visit them,what will u tell me?..'don not visit male friends????!!!!...the first time it happened I was not even fully developed physically..I had no boobs.and I certainly had no miniskirt on!..I wasn't even aware of myself as a woman..how about when I was a toddler and an 'uncle' put his penis in my hand to hold????!!!!!..kids start developing memories as young as a yr old and by three they develop their personalities..so I rember what that man did!.. I was too young to protest but I rember!..I just didn't have a voice..most people need someone to speak for them...I was very disappointed in Otiko Djaba cos 'to whom much is given much is expected'....most of the time the perpetrators of these sickening atrocities are close to you!..people you love and trust....people are sick in the head and will do what they want to do..what someone wears or doesn't wear is just an #expression of one's personality,just like you Otiko..we should start from the homes like I always say..things people see their parents or loved ones do,whether good or not, is what they emulate..and what Otiko wrote concerning Moesha was unnecessary and blah! cos Moesha didn't say she was speaking on authority for all Ghanaians..there's always the RULE and there's the exception to the rule..do not get it twisted...Madame Otiko, focus on the main issues,do your homework well and come again!..thanx for reading..#shalom #gaylesgifts

shishi

          ' Shishi' in one of  Ghana,my country's local dialect means 'under','beneath','below'.....I'm sure you get the general picture...when you think of the bottom part of something,think 'shishi'!...this whole blog arose from a convo I was having with one of my sisters (shoutouts Joseline !) recently ..we were reminiscing about out childhood escapades as usual...then we started talking about 'shishi'...every African knows shishi..well not necessarily the nickname shishi but they might call  'bottom' by another dialect..shishi basically is the burnt bottom part of most rice dishes..in this case,waakye (a rice and beans dish..made Brown by a special leave),white rice,jollof rice (a rice dish cooked in a tomato sauce. .outcome;red rice!)... In Africa we like to overcook our meals most of the time..same applies to our rice meals...they keep the rice on fire long after it's cooked and the result is the burnt bottom...shishi to you!..lots of people love it,my mum inclusive! And when we were kids you always found a piece of shishi on your plate. .I used to wonder whether it was some sort of garnishing for the meal or sometin! ..i have always hated shishi cos it is dry and crunchy and gets stuck in my molars.. and it was hard to get it out!..my mum always put it on my meal even though she knew i hated it..maybe she forgot or she just was hoping i'll one day be converted..that's how much she loved her shishi..she still loves it and I still hate it!.. my mum liked it really blackened..maybe it's cos she's really 'black ' in complexion!...hehehehe ....anybody who came looking for her at home would say I'm looking for the very dark-colored woman!'..or 'wu maame  na oy3 tuuntuum paa nu ?. Literally translated in my local dialect to 'is your mum that really dark complexioned woman?'...My family members love shishi so much they converted my mini-me at her very tender age..the poor sod is only 3 and she loves 'kanzo'...kanzo is another nickname for burnt rice!..everytime i ask her,'what did u eat at school today?'..she replies, 'kanzo!!!' .always cracked me up!.....hahahahahahaha.....she is so adorable!..
          Another sister of mine (yo Sophia!) loves shishi to this day!.she'll always remind me to buy her 'carpet' whenever I was going to buy waakye..carpet is another fond 'nickname' for burnt rice bottom..seeing as you can peel a whole piece of it from the pot and it comes out looking like a piece of carpet..and the waakye sellers actually put the pieces of shishi from that day's cooking aside for those who love it and they actually sell it!. .yes,shishi get class paa!.... anytime we cooked a rice meal at home you'd hear Sophia and my mum later scraping away at the bottom of the pot for shishi..scrape scrape scrape..scrape scrape scrape...and I'll be cringing and rolling my eyes nearby!..I really dunno what they get out of it..shishi has not got any healthy nutrients. .everything has been long gone with the overcooking and burning!..well lots of things we enjoy doing doesn't add anything valuable to our lives but we do it...for e.g.investing our time and energy over and over again in relationships that are doomed even from the start!we keep adding and adding and adding to the bottomless pit of misery and expecting some positive results..which never happens!..we wake up in the morning and start all over again..it's just a waste of everything...life is meant to be enjoyed with people who genuinely love and appreciate you and your love..we live only once so make it count by doing meaningful things that will benefit you first before anyone else..one blind man cannot lead another blind man cos they will both fall in a ditch!
          My sis Sophia is also addicted to ice.. I didn't know how bad it was until she came for ice from my fridge one time and within minutes brought it back..she said she didn't like its 'look'..she started rummaging in my freezer for another 'type of ice'....and I'm sitting there thinking 'what look does ice have apart from what we all know!'...apparently there are different types oo!..ei !!. .she then proceeded to explain to me how some ice after being formed has an opaque look. .some have a 'transparent' look...'cracked' look...'smooth' look....it was a serious moment..*laughing out loud at the memory of it all again!*....*rolling my eyes* at the same time!...aside all of this she puts down any slight discomfort in her body to her ice addiction!..
                ...any headache was brought on as a result of the' iceblock' EATING habit...any leg pain she has was the ice's fault! sigh...she really dey drive me bonkers waa !!. .cos it's me she'll come to for the ice and it's the same me who has to explain it's just cold water basically at the end of the day..yet we have this same convo let's say once a month!...smh...she's made an ice-addict out of Pebbles,our German shepherd.she uses her paws to fish out the ice from her water bowl onto the floor so can lick it..can u blame her,dogs are always warm and their breath can fry and egg!...Sophia also introduced Ice to my two mini-mes  (the plenty training started early for them!)and the youngest,just a year old is a pro!...chale!..those tiny fingers go for the tiny ice slivers and ofcos straight to her mouth like nobody's business!
       I have a confession to make..I also have my own thing i was addicted to!..when we were way younger we used to live with a family we had sort of adopted as our own..they lived with us in our family home ..the wife had a small grocery stall and she sold all kinds of things from biscuits to sweets to sugarcane to roasted peanuts (another addiction of mine which is still ongoing!) to dry white clay....we call it shire or ayilo..it's used mostly for decoration on the body during traditional dances and 'shenanigans'.. someway somehow people started eating the clay for all sorts of reasons..some as a result of pregnancy-related cravings,some were pica 'moves',some as a delicacy  (believe it or not!) ..there's so much 'controversy' surrounding this issue...it got so that a negative connotation was attached to the eating of it..some even believed it was a superstitious 'habit';why wouldn't they?you can't be in Africa and not be a tad or totally superstitious!..if u ate shire  they said u were possessed by a demon..you can imagine the mental torture this addiction cost me!I was so embarrassed  and fearful someone outside my nuclear family would find out and point fingers!people also said it made u anemic cos the clay 'absorbed' all your blood..how that's possible I have no clue!..I tried reading about it tho and i discovered that when you have heavy menstrual flows and lose all that blood you start to crave for certain stuff which can be found in the the clay..I'm not an expert so I'm only speaking as a lay person...I have very heavy flows so who knows maybe that's why I started eating the earth..or maybe I just fall under the pica category..its like a catch-22 situation...hmmmm
           Whichever the reason I found myself addicted to this thing,if I may call it so..it started with me nicking one or two dry , cylindrical clay 'rolls'...lemme explain how I heard it was done..wet clay is rolled into all kinds of sizes and baked dry ...they got tiny ones all the way to large fist-size ones .....then it was packed into baskets according to size  and taken to the 'market' for 'consumption '...I got so into it that I knew all the types..some had more gravel than clay,and I hated those ones!..some were mostly sand,ofcos I hated them!..some shire/ayilo were clay[ey] yet hard, I didn't like those ones...the ones i liked were the proper clay that melted in your mouth...thinking about it back then always made me swallow saliva. .that's how much I was addicted..I later learnt I could get worms as a result cos some clay had all types of parasites that layed eggs in them and if you ate them you know what would happen...I didn't know at first!when I became a clay-eating pro I became very technical in my journey...I'll make sure I dewormed every other month...hwerh!I was afraid wai!..lol...yet i couldn't stop..I had a couple of dry spells where for like two separate times I just went off it for two-year periods then came back on then went off it then fell off the wagon again!..chale girls abr3!!!..the addiction was so bad I even took coupla bags of it with me on some European travels!..ei, I loved that shit!..I used to imagine filling a plate with lots of them and adding stew and having it for lunch with cutlery!..I think I was a little crazy!..just like Sophie is on her ice-block/kanzo shenanigans. ..
          When mummy found out about this ayilo thing she wasn't happy..she told my dad(on one of his rare visits to Ghana from Nigeria) and made it look so bad...I denied it..since i couldn't stop it I started hiding it yet she still caught me..she would actually look through my hidden cache and I'll find out she's thrown them away!..I decided to be a step ahead of her ...I managed to find out how she knew I was still eating it cos I thought I hid the addiction well..I later realized she knew some signs I had missed..e.g. after eating the shire it dries on your lips and leaves a white ring..so i made sure l licked my lips well well so nothing gave me away...also because shire doesn't digest it just came out when there's a bowel movement...it coats your whole stomach and organs and could block your intestines and i was a victim of that..I constipated a lot...and my bowel movement was always grey cos that was the color of ayilo..when i realized how much damage eating it was causing me i was already in the last stages of addiction and just couldn't back out..I just couldn't! And to make matters worse it was so cheap...easily affordable..easily acquired...sometimes the ayilo breaks up ,cos it was too dry maybe, and the sellers sold those ones even more cheaper than the whole ones ..ofcos yours truly went for those mostly!!..chale! ..I can't believe I'm opening up about this!.only my mum n sisters knew about it..and dad ofcos,after mummy snitched to him!.couple of years ago I just went off it again and i haven't had any craving for it since then!..I'm so glad cos it caused me more harm than good....this has been so therapeutic for me..I had wanted to write this issue under a blog titled 'addictions' but it ended up here!..life is like that..sometimes you just have to go where it takes u..I hope u learned something from it all...thanx for reading...#shalom #gaylesgifts
   

blue ball[er]s

         Guys always have tricks on how to get us women into bed with them....so many chale!....ladies you'll agree with me,right?....for e.g. you meet a guy..he's interested in you..well he says he is!..he proceeds to take your number...promises to call u blah blah...then u part ways..before you take a step away from him he's already 'whatsapped' you a meme on some religious 'distin'...sigh!....then follows it with some videos of some stupid jokes...*rolling my eyes*.... you get home..he calls u...bombards you with calls infact!...he'll ask you about ur mum,your dad ,your dog, your cat and your parakeet! ...after beating about the bush he'll finally ask you to come visit him..you tell him you can't make it cos you're busy...he settles for lunch so u guys plan to meet for that...you meet..you exchange pleasantries. .you order drinks...you are about to order lunch..mind you,everything's calculated from how much money he intends to spend on you and how much  time with u!..but you're in the dark! ....then he gets a call..or pretends to get one! ..hangs up,turns to you and says he has to make a quick stop home to sort some emergency thing out so you can come back and hopefully finish the 'lunch date '...eiii !!!. ..you can't argue with that so you follow him home...and that's where the real show unfolds!....
           He takes you into his room..no chair,so only option is a bed..by that,i mean an old mattress on the floor!..chale girls abr3!!..we have seen things!!hahahaha...back to my narration!..you sit on the mattress and the guy just pounces on you!..they assume as long as you came into that room,your have offered yourself to be slaughtered!..what happened to reading body language?what happened to adult convo about what we both want?or do they think we forgot he said he was coming home to sort out 'an emergency'?!..but then body no be firewood!..after struggling with his advances you give in..the body betrays you!..oh chale!so you let him kiss you..some guys are so dry!.he chews on your lips for a second,pumps your boobs and head straight for your 'fish'...then you are like 'stop,stop'.....i hear 'stop' means 'continue' so he doesnt stop..then he will say 'chale,make i 'brush' small...why,you be painter?!!!..if you let him 'brush' e go enter for sure!..i will not lie!..if he realizes he ain't opening the cookiejar he would say the words i have heard a billion times, 'i will get blue balls if you dont let me do it'!!...sigh!!..some women pity them and let them 'do it'!...and he thinks he has won!sometimes it is annoying though cos you really feel played even if you know what is going on..and to add salt to injury you later find out it is not even his home, but his friend's!!!...the friend travelled and loaned the place to him!..some of these blueballers still live at home with their parents even though dem 'grew'!!a blueballer will meet you at a party and there knorr device a trick to get into your pants!..blueballers are hit-and-runners! ..it is all a 'physically' sexual benefit for him..no 'strings' for this one!
           I coined the term 'blue-baller' out of my musings on the confusion on why guys never make up their minds on what they want in a relationship..I dunno if it's cos they are afraid of commitment.. or are they just wired to sabotage anything concerning intimate interactions with  woman?...in our local parlance we refer to them as 'konongo kaya' which stands for a guy who is not serious about a woman but wouldn't get out of the way for other serious suitors to have a shot at happiness with her...blueballers,if you  want a girl to be yours for ever,don't be controlling, don't  be religiously  fake and quote all sorts of bible verses bla bla (that women are supposed to be submissive..a man interpretes that as her being servile to him. ..that's so 'obsolete'!),don't tell her what to do,you might as well ask her out and answer for her too!,..she has a mind of her own..that's why you ask her to marry you and she says yes or no depending on how she feels...the trick is to know her for who she is and treat her as such..everybody wants to be loved differently so don't use your parent's or friend's method as a yardstick for wooing a woman...there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to these things...there's no book  for you to read and replicate. .you can get advice though but doesn't mean it's a must to apply it to your relationship..
      A guy I used to date one time wanted us to go out for a drink...I took him to a bar owned by a friend..we sat down and had our drinks..as we were about to leave he said he didn't have money on him!..he wanted me to ask my friend to give him the drinks for free!..if it was just me,i wouldn't have had to pay cos the bar owner and i go way back....but the bill for me and my boyfriend couldn't be wiped out just like that!..I ended up paying!...#blueballer !..... another time I was at BIG BOSS (those who rember the place,raise your hands!) with an old friend having drinks when another male friend (most of my friends are male) called me, wondering were I was...i told him and he wanted to join us..so he came,met my other friend and we all had a good time...when the bill came ,the first guy I went there with,called me aside ,and asked if he has to pay for his share!!!..ebei! !!..no,ma moda go pay!..where do I even start from?..like who for pay?edey expect my other male friend make e pay give am?or  na me go pay?nansins!.......#blueballer !!!!
           A blueballer is one who would go all out to avoid special occasions like birthdays etc.....cos he wouldn't wana invest anything in the celebration of it..not even his time..some would deliberately fight with you few days to the date so as to have an excuse for not seeing you  and certainly not interacting with u..after the day of the 'event' he'll reconnect with u!...I rember when I was a teenager and had started dating for the first time,I noticed that pattern over the years, but I didn't understand what was going on...my then-boyfriend explained to me years later, when we had both moved on, that it was a strategy some guys employed to escape certain responsibilities!..amazing though, when it was his birthday and I got him a gift he was very available to receive it!...so tacky!.....#blueballerthings !!.....today being Valentine's Day ,as purported, people are going to perform this 'disappearing act' on their women for sure!...the pressure be too much from some ladies too...they know their men can't afford certain things but they insist...this day has been so misconstrued to be seen as a day of 'physical actions' ..specifically sex....yet some people can't even afford condoms!..and the rippling effect of this irresponsible acts by some is another topic for another day!...this day is just supposedly a day to express love to anyone and everyone...those you know and those you don't. .love to your own self...but it's been restricted to being mostly celebrated among-st just lovers and so it's not exciting anymore...it has become too commercialized...if you show love everyday then you shouldn't 'be 'afraid ' to still show it on val's day,no?....cos it just would be an extension of what you always do...but if you can't express your love on every other day, you'll be lost as to what to do on this day...and since there's so much noise about it,thanx to social media, you can't avoid it...you can't pretend you dunno what is going on...so people are forced to perform all kinds of magic(pun-intended!) and do things they don't normally do....like disappearing! ....hahahahahaha....the blueballers will mos def agree with me!...not publicly tho!...it's part of their 'game' in the relationship game......mehn sometimes you can't help but love them...lol....
             Why is it so hard to show love you've already professed to someone ? Why should u play games?there's no hard and fast rule(i am saying it again!) when it comes to these things, I know....no two situations are the same...so ofcos people wana express their love in ways that they are comfortable with....some also 'love' the way they see others do it...even when they don't understand those ways..even when they can't afford  it...physically, mentally and even financially. ..we all have been victims one way or the other..and we all have contributed to the 'illusion' of it all...sigh...i love love..i love basking in love and the 'actions' that express it..i like reciprocating love...love should be freely given..it shouldn't be conditional...people shouldn't expect you to do weird things for them before they know you love them...love doesn't demand..it inspires..it liberates...it fulfills..and whoever said 'love hurts' is a damn blueballer!...thanx for reading...#shalom #gaylesgifts
     

red clitoris

        

                   'Red' stands for so many things...it's a #color;it's a 'funeral color' mostly in African countries...some people 'see red ' before they go off on your ass !... it's the color of the #female reproductive organ (the clitoris is anyway!) which makes it very intriguingly intriguing!..I'm sure someone will like to see it as a pinkish shade rather but for the purpose of this write-up I'm going with 'red'!. let me try and be a little technical here...the vagina actually is the insides of the female organ and not the outer part...then the outer part is the hymen...then there are the pubic hairs surrounding it..the vaginal location and structure varies from each woman..so #men stop thinking you have answers to why she is 'wide' or 'loose'..most times it is just how she is 'structured' biologically..one wonders why the vagina feels so much sensation when touched..it gets wet and throbs..have u taken a good look at the #vagina?a really good look?have u felt its sort of 'stretchy ' muscles?have u pulled at it and watched it snap back?yes,it does snap back cos the skin is kinda elastic...try it now and see...I'll wait...maybe I'll try it again on myself whiles waiting for u!..*wink wink*...you see how it feels spongy and gummy? Open up the #labia wide with your fingers and look inside..what do you see ?....I know right!...that's where a woman's 'power' is!..just kidding..women are worth much more than what's between their thighs!..they should be,if only they'll give themselves the chance to empower themselves ..'the #power of the pussy' is a phrase I've always heard from men...what does it really mean?..is it that whenever a man sees a woman, his brain ceases to function and all he wants is to have #sex with her?well,most men have said to me that that's what really happens to them...hmmmm!..the first thing most men think when they see a woman is to imagine how she would look like in bed..with him ofcos!..i am not a man so I am just repeating what lots of men tell me...the truthful ones at least..the sly men just tell you things like 'i love u' and 'you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen' bla bla bla...it works half the time and the woman finds herself feeling shortchanged after she has had sex with him and he disappears!.. men always wonder why a woman feels upset when they've had sex and nothing else follows after that..he feels it was a mutual decision so why are u mad at him?..it is just that any woman who shows you her nakedness and lets you have sex with her did it cos she trusted you not cos you did some magic no one has ever seen before!

                I wish I could be a man for a minute so I could look at a 'red clitoris' and experience what they feel..how they re-act mentally..how they re-act physically. ..how they re-act emotionally...how they view us the #opposite sex...that would be an experience I think!..I say 'i think' cos I've been a woman all my life and I'm not sure how it would feel to be a man...i wouldn't know if it'll be a scary or mind-blowing experience!. .I still would wana have that #experience though, seeing as men and their ways confuse me everyday and I'll wana know why!..the idea is so daunting. .the fear of the unknown! ..in the next life I'm 'coming ' back as a man..I always joke about that but maybe it might happen so I get to satisfy my curiosity.I'm sure almost every female on this planet will agree with me..or atleast on the 'men always confusing us women' bit and not necessarily the 'coming back as a man' bit .. even though i am a woman i have always been intrigued by the vagina..i will like to know what a man sees when they come into contact with it..what he thinks..what he feels..how hard or easy is it for him to choose to hit it or back off..i have only mine to look at and examine and live with so i could be in #danger of thinking every woman's vagina is the same..that was what i used to think in the past anyway..women do not sit and examine their vaginas and take notes...it is not a common social activity...they can compare and feel each other's breasts though..to know thew different types of vaginas i have to read more professional books..it is very helping in terms of understanding yourself better as a woman..how not to feel strange if your vagina looks different from others..how to be hygienic before,during and after your periods,after sex etc...just how to be generally neat on a daily basis.

         Women are very fragile in every way you can think of...I know men are fragile too but they 'hide' it...cos they've been trained to 'be a man' and not be soft...when a man shows emotion he's branded weak or 'feminine-like'...it's a wonder most men manifest their responses to some female provocation in either a violent or aggressive re-action...by beating her up...by belittling her efforts with abusive words and lack of appreciation. ..if only men are 'allowed' to 'talk'....when I say 'talk' I dont mean just having a normal convo. .I mean baring your soul to another human being about your emotions without any fear of retribution nor stigmatization..I rember when we lost a cousin last year..it was an emotionally painful experience and everyone was shedding years at her funeral except for our close male family members and her 14year old son...I was thinking he would break down in uncontrollable tears when he had to read his tribute to her and I was worried for him..but he read it without showing any emotion..I never saw him cry nor even look #sad...that really bothered me cos I knew he was suffering from the effect of her loss..he and his mum were inseparable! ..yet he wasn't 'allowed' by society to show emotion...that's really some feat!..I dunno how they do it mehn!...it's very worrisome...it's so bad you can't talk to a man cos they see women as all about emotions..so get this,they can't talk you and you (the ' red clitoris) can't talk to them cos they've become inaccessible..I don't think most men aware that that's the case...they dunno how to handle their own emotions and so ofcos they dunno how to handle a woman's emotions...they can't give what they 'don't have'..

          There have been a coupla men I've liked a lot (still do ) but cos of this thingy, things have been left hanging and unsaid.. and it's sad...it's like you're afraid to show your emotions to them for fear of being seen as too 'emotional'...sigh. ...I wonder if men go thru this same 'struggle' of wanting to bare your soul but you have to hold back...you bottle up your #feelings and it eats you up inside. .everyone wants to love and be loved but no one wants to be vulnerable. ...do you agree?..e.g. is when a woman has her period (red again!)...it can be a traumatizing experience,believe it or not (this bit goes to the men cos they've never experienced it)...some women have symptoms so bad they have to be admitted at the hospital literally every month..I've had a coupla bad incidents where I spent a whole day at the hospital on drips cos the pain,tho always bad every month,was crippling this time around! ...chale! ...#common menstrual symptoms are PMS.. where you are irritated by everything and anyone for the last few days before your #period starts..our men should be extra sensitive to our moods during this time..it's really hard for us..well,it is hard for me!..I sometimes experience tender nipples so imagine if a guy is grabbing pulling at them like he's milking a cow !....and you protest and he's not 'hearing' you cos the men say a woman's 'no' actually means a 'yes'!..ebei !..most women have very heavy flow,including myself and it incapacitates us..for me I can't even go anywhere for fear of soiling my clothes or worse dripping on the floor...or messing up someone's car,which almost happened!..chale man has suffered!..

           My first bad experience was when I went for a meeting at Guinness Ghana limited,whom I eventually worked for for a coupla years...the meeting which I assumed will last for like an hour took the whole day...and I just had a couple of sanitary pads with me..by late afternoon when I decided to visit the john I realized my undies which was a lime green color had turned 'black' with the flow..and I'd run out of pads...omg!..I improvised with tissue,threw the destroyed shapewear in the bin,left my drawers on ..yea ,I was wearing both when I left home...heheheheh...then went back to the meeting...when I got there a cleaner was cleaning my flow off the floor with a mop...I went crimson (red again!) with embarrassment. .what my new friend I made that day, told me was, I had dripped when I stood up..wow...and I didn't even realize it..but she told the cleaner-guy someone cut herself, hence all that #blood..thanx again Dzifa Smith(former host of The late night celeb show)...I will never forget what u did...i just took a cab home that moment..girls abr3!...I have soiled myself many a time in my friends' houses and i have had to wash my clothes...all men,cos i make friends easily with men than with women..i have just a coupla close female friends(Jayne Ajaab I see u!)...to all the guys who helped me,you know yourselves,thanx again for sorting a #sister out!..you all rock!

           Some other PMS symptoms are farting incessantly(I do!), throwing up,having diarrhea,bloating (cos you retain water)...then during the menstruation proper I experience heavy continuous #pain for days...and your #emotions and hormones are all over the place!...in times like these is when you'll be grateful to have a male touch on your body...not for sex abeg!..just to cuddle...he should give me a warm bath or even bath with me!...I will like to be held with no sexual expectation..I'll like to see a man achieve that!. .I'm sure some guys can manage that..guys,U can, right?...men should be encouraged to show their sensitive side..stop trying to be 'macho' cos it doesn't fly with us koraa..women should let them do so without making the men feel weak...and men please be susceptible to us...allow us to be 'emotional' without any cringing on your part...I have an old friend who would #drive me nuts all the time....whenever I go off on him and rave and rant for awhile and I'm spent, he would look at me and say 'i didn't get anything you said from all of that'!!!!...ouch!...and i thought i was making sense....talking calmly and all....ah well,I guess with time men will allow themselves to 'feel' and be 'felt'...women,let's keep our fingers crossed! ...thanx for reading!...#shalom #gaylesgifts

the cry of the Xmas chicken

           I #remember when we came to Ghana so many years ago during the Liberian #war wahala which had Ghana taking in refugees ..so lots of #people  automatically thought we were Liberian refugees or foreigners but certainly not the Ghanaians we were!...they said we didn't 'look' Ghanaian (whatever that meant!)...we didn't know a #word of twi (my mother tongue) though ,nor any other local Ghanaian dialects..just the English that my dad and mum had raised us on whiles growing up..no one told us why we came 'back' to Ghana. .I say 'back' cos I and my older brother(he was 2) went to Nigeria #quite young(I was a baby) but my four other siblings at the time were born  in a place called Lokoja in Kwara State..at the #time we came to Ghana we were to young to #understand anything..I rember we took an aeroplane though!...lol...we got to Ghana late in the evening..we were confused cos it was very clear we were in a new environment..#people were speaking a strange #language and were looking at us like we were some alien specie!...the next day the first #local Ghanaian meal we were welcomed with was............. can u guess?waakye ofcos! .. hahahhaha...I #guess that's when my addiction to that orgasmic meal was born!..omg,I loooovvee loooovvee looovveee me some hot waakye...with all the 'accoutrements ' of cos...the browned rice and beans ,soft wele (crackling ), gari (fried ,dry ,powdery corn dough),talia (boiled spaghetti),fried fish,fried meat,boiled egg,fried plantain and dry salad..you have all that on your plate and you're in heaven .. literally!!

          For #selfish reasons  I think this meal should be made the official end-of-year  tradional dish instead of the #rice and gravy and fried chicken meal I was subjected to every xmas during my childhood days!..*wink wink*...Xmas was(still is!) synonymous with chicken...Xmas time was when #chicken sold like hot cake and I didn't  get it,even at that age ...all the streets surrounding the #market place would be lined up with giant makeshift #hencoops by poultry farmers trying to make some profit off the seasonal booming business..how did that trend start anyway?anyhome u visited during this period served the same doggone meal!.. rice, chicken,gravy and soda (affectionately called 'minerals' by everyone,in Ghana at least!),pieces of cake and some buscuits!! ...it usually happened in the homes of the #average citizen so those foods were like #gold to them... sometimes three kids had to share a bottle of soda ...luckily the bottle has demacations on it so we will mark each portion and after u drank yours u gave it to the next person..and woe betides you if you drank into someone else's portion! Why didn't we ever just use cups to share the drink and spare us the stress!...I guess #kids would be kids!

             And Xmas was never complete without your bronya shada! ..ei ,mum always got some bright rokporkpor (nylon) fabric and #every one got to sew her bronya (Xmas ) dress..mum always chose the #style ofcos..what did we know!..it was always a style with puffed sleeves,gathered at the waist with a skirt that ballooned to your knees or ankles depending on how much fabric there was!...then there was the belt which you would tie behind your back in a bow.. chale,dont go there koraa..don't forget the #shoes!.. usually white or black with buckles..maybe 2inched heels...and you had to wear long white socks with them..aargh!those socks that had a flowery 'veil' at the 'edges'..*cringe*...if you're not lucky you'll get a #cap in that same fabric to go with the ensemble... hahahahhaah...I've always hated that rokporkpor fabric since those days but back then it was what was available and xmas was such a big deal that if you didnt have a dress nor even went to church on Xmas day  it was like #somebody ripped your beating heart out of your chest and stepped on it!..I rember one time after I'd gone through the whole process of  getting a new dress and laid it out ready for bronya church the next day I got #malaria(well most illnesses in Ghana are automatically self-diagnosed as malaria!) that night... so I didn't take part in the Xmas celebrations and I wanted to die!..today I don't even bother doing anything during this period cos I simply don't see the point..i dont buy nothing..i dont #sew nothing..i dont visit nobody..i dont invite nobody over..i just live each day like any other day..i always say everyday is 'xmas' for me..I do what I have to do on whichever day I want and not wait for the end of the year!..so much pressure is put on #people who can't afford it,to be a part of a traditon they don't even understand. .pressure especially on the kids who feel left out if they can't celebrate it cos the choice was made for them...if you didn't go to church on 25th and 31st Dec you're 'branded' a pagan...the 31st Dec allnight service in the churches is a tradional affair in Ghana chale!...when I started 'looking' at this whole confusion differently I stopped going to church totally but on the 31st I'll go to church to usher in the new year with God ....eventually I stopped doing that too cos I felt like a heel!...seeing as the next day on the 1st January I'll be at the night club dancing 'with the devil'.. atleast that's how Christians saw it..my being weaned off the whole bronya thingy was not drastic but it was gradual and firm..one day I was  being consumed by it ,the #next day I was out of it!

             What does Xmas really mean to people?is it a time to #chew fried chicken and strut your new clothes and shoes and go to church?is it a time to fill kids with the illusion of celebrating the birth of Christ, as Christians put it?what does Xmas even mean?did someone really die on 25th December some 1000s of yrs ago  to be celebrated every year?do people really believe it in their hearts or are just going along with everything  cos they were introduced to it just like I was?..some churches have taken the 'celebrations' up another notch actually acting out the birth of Christ and #everything else...they'll be wearing funeral clothes to church during Easter when he 'dies' and will wear white when he 'resurrects'!..that doesn't sit well with me cos I wonder what the point of repeating that charade every year is!..I know the 'chrifes' will crucify (pun intended!) me for saying this but hey,how I feel is how I feel!.

        It's #weird to me cos it's one bible but each church interpretes it differently from the others.. very confusing,eh ?!when I was way younger, between, I think 9and 15yrs of age,I was 'steeped' in the chrife 'euphoria'...I used to write to a Christian outfit called SOON...you answered questions on the bible and when you passed you got certificates and bibles as your prize ...and I got a lot of them!..alot !. .I went to Sunday school..acted in all the #religious plays..got baptized and graduated to the adult church...I even worked hard to get into the adult choir and after I got in I quit not long after!..the whole pressure to be in church without understanding why i was being there finally got to me i think!..it's just like the Xmas euphoria. .lots of people are celebrating it without knowing why and in the process putting so much pressure on themselves and others..

              What I #care about is we should be kind to one another. .it should come from the heart not just cos we are compelled to do it according to some church rules...there are lots of people who won't do things for people who ask them directly for help but will wait for Xmas to donate some things to an orphanage. .meanwhile the orphans don't even get the items..that's another convo for another day!..let's strive to be considerate of one another. .be kind..be safe whiles we are about to enter a new #year!.. welcome it with a good heart. .we welcome you #2018!!!..thanx for reading....#shalom #gaylesgifts

GAYsm...yay or nah?

         JUST last week i called for an UBER and that meeting with the driver has generated a very #healthy intellectual #relationship between us...it's amazing how you meet all sorts of people in all kinds of #places..we have had very mind-stimulating and thought-provoking #conversations and it's such a very pleasant experience..coupla days ago he asked me what i thought about the legalization of GAYsm /LESBIANIsm, and of course i told him I'm a very open-minded person when it comes to these societal issues and wasn't for nor against it..but he persisted to know what i really thought just for 'argument's' sake.. so i asked  him what his thoughts were on the #topic..before I say what he said I'll let you #know what I told him and more!

              Lesbians and Gays are first of all #human beings with rights..just like you and I..before you get it twisted let me clear the air on something..I'm not Gay. .I'm straight as an arrow and I've never fancied my [same] sex..but I believe in the #rights of every human being and I hate it when people of some certain status feel they can prosecute other people who are in the minority 'zone';( if i should put it so)...already Gays(I'll use this to represent both #lesbians and homosexuals) feel very confused with their sexuality that's why a lot of them 'hide in the closet'...those who fully explore their sexuality and interest in the opposite sex take a huge risk .we call it 'coming out of the closet'....they get stigmatized,persecuted..some even get killed...how does one's sexual preference affect the country?????!!!!!. .how does what one does in the comfort of their bedroom affect you?...the country is corrupt from leaders to children. .the police are robbing us blind...taking bribes like taking sweets from little kids. .#people are being raped in their own homes...a new  German friend I just made got  robbed and raped by four Ghanaian gunmen in her apartment!. .the government didn't do nothing about it!...is she not a #human being?doesn't rape constitute an offence?..it is criminal,right?..adds to the 'filth' covering up the country yet nothing was done!..and  you say wetin?!!!!!...abeg go remove the 'log in your eye' and come again!
          Lots of people are frustrated in this #world and the only way to vent their frustrations is to attack the vulnerable...gays don't have a voice because they've been made to feel inferior by the hypocritical hoi polloi...so even though nowadays they are gathering their #voice to defend themselves they are still a far cry from feeling understood and accepted..why should they have to defend themselves from anyone?Adam and Eve had kids and their kids had #sex with each other,right?incest is what it is called,right?cos how else do you explain the world's #population if we are to go by what the bible says?how did we grow to be so many?think about it! The country has a lot of issues killing its people!we don't have 'trust-able' potable water..you'll have to buy bottled #water...how many people can afford to drink that all the time?!!!.and those of us who mostly drink 'sachet water' half the time have to hope and pray it is at least distilled like we've been told it is!..no jobs:lots of graduates are home doing nothing!..' The devil finds work for idle hands', they say...'an idle  mind is the devil's workshop' ,I've heard! ...or something to that effect!..some Gays found themselves in the act because some rich #gays offered them some sort of respite from the  poverty eating up the country..the gap between the rich and poor is so wide..rich get richer and the poor get poorer..if you want to tackle an issue, don't just wade into it like some guy who has chased some lady for years  to no avail and suddenly her #vagina has been made available to him to 'chop'!..start from the what caused the fire and not the smoke..'there's no smoke without fire?'..no?
       These days you can't even be sure of one's sexual preference ...even the #heterosexual men only want to have anal sex with their heterosexual #female partners...go figure!..a woman called an #adult show one time to complain about her pastor husband who didn't want vaginal intercourse with her...only anal sex...so in this case what would the gay-bashers?.or what will the gays themselves say or feel?..another lady who'd be married for just two weeks wanted out cos her hubby wanted to only  mount her through her anus!..it's really a common thing these days. .so-called heterosexual couples don't find satisfaction with each other sexually.. either there's a third #party involved (ménagè a trois ) or they have some sort of swinging parties or they swap partners. ...even your husband or wife could be living a double life;could be having a gay partner on the side in secret;how would you know!..the list is endless..it's hard to know what goes on behind closed doors... people keep up appearances a lot because society dictates what is right or wrong...yet society is not always right.
       The biggest group attacking the gays are mostly Christians..  .which pisses me off cos the bible says sinners came to be saved. .who are you to do God's work for him??he even welcomed sinners, if the bible is to be believed!..gays didn't ask to be like that..if the #bible says everything that'll will happen has already been written why then can't they understand that gays didn't have a #choice in the matter?..it was written!..the Gays are flesh and blood and bones just like all the pedophiles,rapists,sodomites,misogynists(most African men fall short here and religion enables them by using that crappy 'submission' route!),transvestites, drag-queens, transgenders,eunuchs,etc .and they all 'go to church'..i see them all the time!and some of these people hate gays!..y3 nua ni s3n 3na aanbiin??..don't come at me with that bullshit of making only the gays [be] the worms !every one should be persecuted then !Christians are supposed to be an extension of the God they claim they worship. .they should welcome everyone into their bosom...'!he who's without sin should cast the first stone!'...rember ?!!!!..people do all kinds of shit when no-one is watching!..there are people raping animals too...sometimes it's a choice born out of some uncontrollable desire,some from coercion by other people who are already 'versed' in the act..they say God is love and loves everyone and the so-called chrifes will quote you all kinds of quotes from the bible on that score yet they don't show love to their fellow human beings!..selfishness is what is killing our people..greed ,'fakery','flakery',etc is the stench exuding from the country's pores... corruption, thievery,backbiting, is what is spewing out of the country's mouth like the fetid breath of a trotromate's...lie-ing, lie-ing,lie-ing is the pungent odor emanating from the country's holes like some serious body odor from a taxi driver's unwashed pits. ..eeeeeeeewwwww!!!. .the country is sick with a lot of rot festering underneath which is going to erupt #soon like a volcano of we don't stop our bullshit hypocrisy! You know what's funny,they think prayer would solve this menace..'give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God what belongs to God '..there's a spiritual realm and there's a 'physical' world..let's not get it twisted..give the 'devil' a break and take responsibility for your #own actions,that's why you're on this planet in your human form!
        I welcome #everybody ..all of us have our faults and shortcomings ..it doesn't make it right just cos no-one is perfect but it importantly means we shouldn't feel superior to others who have different 'demons' and we shouldn't impose our views on #people and force them to conform to it!..it's really annoying!we've got prostitutes,wife-batterers, murderers,fraudsters who are walking around freely...if society is so concerned about 'cleaning' up the #country they should persecute all of these people...firstly though they should start by cleaning up the country of all the real filth that is engulfing the whole place!..the stench  from the garbage at the Kaneshie market, for example, is unbearable!...rid the country of all the plastics that's choking up every nook and cranny..the filth that is breeding all kinds of deadly diseases!..typhoid,cholera,malaria to name a few...close up all open drainage systems..then they can now tackle 'other' issues... .'cleanliness is next to godliness' is what the Christians say..but do they walk the talk?..since they don't have anything to do with their lives,they should go into each individual's bedrooms and tell them what to do with their own damn bodies!
        Now let me tell you what my uber-driver-turned-friend told me on this topic...he feels gaysm should be legalized cos first of all any practice that society needs to legalize means people have been practicing it for ages and it's not going anywhere and might be causing 'problems' in the country..he feels it will make the gays feel accepted and they wont #hide and practice it..most gays are forced to marry heterosexual partners to keep up the appearance of  the 'normalcy' society has dictated whiles  having their gay cravings satisfied in the closet ..being gay can be biological,psychological,or learned,or even just for fun..to each his own..when people don't feel stigmatized they will open up and do things the right way..being gay doesn't make you less of a human being..it doesn't take away from your capabilities as a person..lots of gays have contributed immensely to society and the world at large..Ellen Degeneres,Elton John,Gianni Versace are just a few to mention...everything we do has pros and cons but it should be the individual's choice on what they do in their privacy to themselves..!the so-called issues we think arise from homosexuality are rather heightened by the fact that it's done in 'hiding '.e.g AIDS...people have HIV/AIDS from other 'normal' angles...people having multiple heterosexual partners is one angle,sharing infected instruments,even having sex with one unknowingly  infected partner can get  you infected..people are naturally afraid of what they don't understand and reflexively just #attack it...it's ignorance at the highest peak!..my uber-driver also talks about a doctor who sodomized a 15yr old boy who had to have surgery to correct some anomalies on his anus and intestinal tract. .this is sick cos the boy was a minor and the doctor took advantage of him..this boy might also continue with this act,who knows! ..this goes to buttress my point that these things happen from different angles and influences..'#charity begins at home'..let's start from the homes...set #good examples for the younger ones and those yet to be born will have something positive to emulate when they get here..we will be long gone but at least we would have left some good legacy behind...thanx for reading..#shalom #gaylesgifts

dancing in the 'rain'

              I really miss my #childhood!..and that's so weird cos when I was a #child I couldn't wait to be a grown-up and do grown-up stuff...like when I was fifteen #and went to a club(Glenn's nite club to be precise!) with two grownups;the bouncer gave me a cursory glance and bounced me!..lol...wasn't funny back then though! ...it took me a coupla years to #recover from the shame before I went back there again!...even though I was 15 in O level form 5 (my  class mates were abt 22yrs old),my IQ was way up there(i was really a smart kid) yet physically I looked like 11 and coupled with my 'breastless' chest I don't blame the bouncer for denying me entry!. ..I thought I had arrived...I had on some #short,  long-sleeved denim dress against #black tights with some two-inched blocked-heeled pointed shoes that I'm sure Sir Gordon Guggisberg (forgot the spelling..he was one of the first slave traders that came to Ghana I think..that history was taught me decades ago!..) left behind after he got his slaves and left Ghana ! ...my sisters used to tease me to no end about those shoes!..the huge buckles on the #shoes were what set them off!...what was I thinking back then?!!!...come to think of it,I wasn't thinking!
        The #lessons of life are always learnt through #irony..I needed to be an adult and experience life with its ups and down to appreciate my childhood..my childhood was simple and hard sometimes but it was fulfilling cos the rewards matched the #effort. .the rewards of your input were guaranteed..there were no doubts...it's like when your parents warned you not to put your hand in fire or you'll get burned..you put your hand in fire and you really got burned and the scars were there as a reminder!...reminds me of the times we didn't have electricity at home..my mum couldn't afford #power for a long time so we used 'bobo'(local kerosene lamps made from tins) at night..the fire from the bobo blackened the part of the wall where we continually kept it to light [en] up the house and till this day I've always hated the #smell of kerosene...one time I overfilled the bobo with #kerosene and as a result when I lit the wick the fire lit up the spillage on the cover ..my reflex action was to pick up the burning bobo to do what,till today I can't rember..what I rember though is I have a big scar on my left hand to remind me of that incident(with time though the scar has faded,thanx to Palmers Cocoabutter cream which I've used for years and years!)...when I picked the bobo up, the hot kerosene poured on my #hand and burned me something bad !!!..I had huge blisters that stiffened up and cracked with time...chale!!!...I #look back on that day with mixed feelings but it the nostalgia i feel is undeniable!
       I rember i didn't have basic necessities like chalewote (plastic flipflops to my western peeps!) so I was barefoot most of the time and after I started  owning some I never went barefoot again...I actually cringe now whenever I have to step on the floor barefoot....#childhoodthings.....I'm someone who's always liked nice things from childhood till now..ALWAYS...so back then when there was not much money I found ways to compromise... Kantamanto was my second home!!...those people who sold the secondhand clothes owe me plenty for all the rags I bought from them!..whenever I was shopping there and I glimpsed a friend I'll hide,forgetting we were in the same boat!..it was embarrassing for me to think someone would know I bought and wore second-hand clothes!..it was crazy mehn!..we were young and still learning and growing so who cared if we wore rags!..but i did!..sigh!i think i was too much in a hurry to become a grown-up so i could paint my nails and wear high-heeled shoes(funny I'm a grown-up now and can't even walk well in heels..go figure!..lol) and order other kids around and drive a car and be married and have kids and be happy..that was my idea of adulthood..everything was nice and problem-free..I have long left that illusion behind me!..serious disillusionment is what happened to me when i became an adult!...these days though kantamanto items are even more expensive than boutique stuff...don't ask me how I know cos I've moved on from that chapter koraa....lol
          My childhood days were when u owned just one #pair of panties and that was that!...chale the undie became so wornout and threadbare from overwashing and over-usage and ofcos the band over-stretched...I rember one time I had a suitor at my house #and we were chatting on our porch..yes,those days dating started early on in our years...so we were standing having a convo, or rather,he was smoothtalking me and I was just pretending to listen!..suddenly I felt my loose undie about to slide down my legs so 'reflexively' I quickly lifted up my leg onto the #porch stoop and pretended to straighten my dress whiles trying to subtly knot the band to secure it..but I think the guy was sharper than i thought and caught on! ... the idiot had to go open his big mouth and say 'why,are your panties loose??!!'..aargh! !...I went crimson with embarrassment and anger and ofcos walked him out!...anytime I rember that incident I crack up...hahahahhahaha...I think I was thirteen or so..writing about it now i have this sheepish grin on my face with the memory of it...i wish i could do it all over again!..wear my rags and walk #barefoot to go buy my waakye in my favorite metalic bowl!..that bowl was a car part i am very sure!..we had a fitting shop in our back yard so it makes sense..it was made of stainless #steel and very heavy and it was mine!...everyone at home called it the 'heavy pan'......oh,i miss my heavy pan!
         As an adult you don't always get what you're 'promised'...the work you 'put it' doesn't always get you the deserved or promised outcome...in fact 'expectations' are seen in a 'derogatory' light...even when someone tells you they will treat you in a certain way, when you protest cos you feel shortchanged you'll be made to feel like you're not being #reasonable. ..you can't get away with being selfish as an adult....#people will dislike you if you don't treat them the way they feel they should be treated. .so much so that if you treat them in your own way,though positively,they won't notice it cos it's not what they want...being an #adult is so hard...you're solely #responsible for your upkeep..grooming,lifestyle etc ..we should try and empathize when dealing with other people..and society is not helping any cos it has its own ideas of how people should act at certain ages and whatnot..and when you don't #conform you're branded as 'tooknow'(where do u think i got my pen-name!!) or something crazy like that..you have to be married at a certain age..when you marry you should have kids..if it is just one kid they will ask you when are you 'dropping' the next one..if you are successful #woman you automatically slept your way to the top!..if you are a rich man you killed your mum for 'ritual' money!..if you got raped it was your fault cos you had provocative #clothes on or you visited the rapist knowing he was gona ask for #sex!.society is made up of people like you and me,no?..so why should it dictate to us on how to live our lives?...stay in your lane..do you,I'll do me....
        Even when I was dating way back in my #youth it was simple and fun...still had drama but it was worth the investment. ..the grievances were few and far between..the misgivings were almost non-existent cos the dynamics were 'consistent'.....my first #boyfriend would bring me kelewele (fried spicy plantain chunks to my abrofos.) on his visits...sometimes meat pie and country milk chocolate drink..fried yam and chofi (a Ghanaian delicacy:fried turkey-tail) plus shitor (black pepper sauce)..sometimes he would even bring me hausa koko (local Ghanaian spicy millet porridge ) and akara (fried bean cakes)...my mouth still salivates anytime i rember those times..what i won't give for someone to bring me some!!..not that I can't afford it but just for the simple #fact that he thought about me and wanted to do something nice for me..I miss that alot... I really do...these days you meet a guy,he takes your number and the next thing is he is asking for nude photos of you or something crass like that!..or bombarding your phone with memes of religious stuff and videos of crap that does not #mean shit to you!..#make 'conversation' daaaaamnnniiittt!!..ask about her interests..her views..tell her about yourself..your plans...get to know each other a little before getting seriously involved..#people meet today knorr then dey wan marry!..where is the fire?!!!!..'my mum says i should get married!'...'I am getting old'...'all my mates are getting married!'...these and more are some of the unbelievable reasons people have for hitching up!...chillax!..there is no rush!
         What I also miss is sitting in a suitor's #car outside and just listening to music and talking about any and everything for hours on end..or even just sitting on a bench and watching people walk up and down going about their daily activities.. people really cared back then..they made and effort to show it whichever way they could....they communicated....which reminds me of another childhood memory..there used to be a truck that used to pass by our house every working #day those days:it was full of workers on their way home from work and anytime they got to where we were sitting they would throw gravel at us ...i think that were construction workers..why they threw the stones I'll never know ..I guess it was their way of communicating some sort of greeting..I never knew I'll say this,but I miss it!....every #moment in our lives however insignificant or otherwise should be cherished cos every incident plays an important part in putting together the pieces of the puzzle called life...thanx for reading...#shalom  #gaylesgifts