Friday 13 October 2017

sex-talk 'talks' sex

            Most mothers don't teach their daughters about #sex yet their daughters are told to hold unto their virginity until after marriage..like the success of their marriage rides on just being a #virgin...what irony!...ok,so she manages to 'hold onto' her virginity like some gold throughout the courtship period..the guy goes along with the charade....they fall in #love...get married...on the honeymoon #night she discovers she's  got candidiasis and her #vagina stinks to high heavens..what then?...first of all most guys don't even want to be bothered with the trouble of breaking a woman's virginity. .it's a psychologically traumatic experience  for every #woman and our men are not wired to deal with that kind of emotion..second of all some guys are so stressed on that night to even 'get it up'...i hear that all the time...and then the woman gets really disappointed cos they have brainwashed to think everything about the #success of a relationship/marriage rode on that moment..these days things are different tho..we a'int got more virgins like before yet we still dont talk openly about sex!
              It is also a physically painful experience for her especially if she's not 'ready' mentally and physically..if she happens to have a #husband who's impatient to consummate the union seeing as he's waited that long,thereby not giving her enough time to relax and have her 'juices flowing '...she's not wet and maybe he's got a bigger member and she's got a smaller vagina and wants to force his way in  like some fufu-pounder in some chop bar at the Kaneshie market, pounding away at the boiled cassava like there's no tomorrow!..those guys are so muscular from all that pounding, and if you 'lef gee them go pound your hand to a pulp'!..so are you just going to lie there like a log so he pounds away?will you tell him how your body responds to his 'game'?..will you tell him what you want him to do your body?...will you tell her you like to be dominated?..will you ask her to 'ride' you or you will just throw her off of your erect #penis when she attempts to awkwardly do so cos she is ignorant and perhaps #shy?..will you be sensitive to her?will you be accommodating of his sexual 'demands'?..these misgivings and more run through our minds if we would be sincere with ourselves.
         Sex-talk has been a 'taboo' for so long amongst society and in the homes and in  the #schools...infact everywhere!..In schools during biology classes we would just broach the subject..I remember the teacher asked the class for those who'd started having #periods to stand up to b introduced like they'd won the lottery..back then it seemed a #big deal but on hindsight I think it was a very stupid thing cos it only brought  attention to them and gave the boys more reason to just tease the girls...that topic left me non the wiser ..i hadn't started my period yet and had no clue as to what it was...I was a 'late bloomer'...had my period during the last days of my O level period (no pun intended!)..I was like 15 I think which was 'old' cos most girls start like age 11,some even as early as 9yrs old. .I finished O level with my chest still as flat as my back..meaning i didn't have #breasts...i didn't understand why and so i actually used to pray for breasts!..i would pray for even the tiniest ones just to feel like a woman ..i didn't know it was just normal to be 'late'..i was scared I'll never develops breasts!...that's how ignorant I was about the #female body...now that i  have breasts,today being 'no-bra day' i can fully participate cos wearing no bra on a 'breastless' chest on a no-bra day,is that one too a 'no-bra' distin?!!!...hahahahahah.
             I remember when my period finally 'happened' I was at one of those entertainment sessions in school we used to refer to as 'variety shows'...they had all kinds of activities going on in there ..singing,dancing and what-nots..kids got into all kinds of shenanigans during these sessions...I used to attend them even though I didn't have money for entry fee ..oh yes,you had to pay to enter cos the'organizers' had to fix the dining hall ,etc..but come to think of it,why were they charging an entry fee to a show organized by students for students in a school space?!!!beats me!.1 wanted to get out of the #house sometimes so i guess it was a better option for me....back to my story..so I'd just sit outside the building and imagine what was going on in those shows cos I could hear the music since the hall wasn't soundproof. .doesn't make any sense now but it did back then...I always felt so fulfilled after the 'show'....things we do for pleasure!!!
       So it was during one of these shows that I started feeling funny in my abdomen...I thought it was something bad i'd eaten that didn't agree with my tummy...after I couldn't ignore it any longer I visited the john and realized I had discharged some reddish stuff into my undies...I panicked...I had a little idea of periods from the crappy biology 'education' I'd had coupla years ago during my O levels  but I wasn't prepared for this...guess what I did,I fixed  a folded newspaper in my drawers and went home..case solved! ...heheheheh...wasn't funny back then though!...I never told any one,not even my mum about the experience..cos i didn't know how to broach the subject..what do i say?..how do i start that convo since she had never brought it up...I had to teach myself on how to take care of myself during these periods (pun intended!). ..items to use...e.g. pads ,tampons,feminine washes..some of these products I started using later on in life when I got older and more experienced and more financially stable cos these things ain't cheap and to think you buy them every month or in bulk...before that i used cotton,pieces of cloths,old socks (my aunt introduced me to that one..lol).....having periods cost money cos you'll need them every damn month!...aside the physical symptoms of abdominal pains,heavy bleeding,bloating,diarrhea,tender nipples,nausea ..etc ...you've got to deal with the emotional bits too..it's called PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome)...some women get irritated easily,moods go up and down (someone would say it's like that for women 24/7,periods or not!)....
         It is very important as a woman to know your #menstrual cycle...most women don't know it not to talk of understanding it..every woman's cycle is different. ..symptoms are also exclusive to each woman...during these times (I'm trying to use the word 'periods' less often in this write-up..catch my drift?..*wink wink*) personal hygiene should be extra. .keeping a pad on or a tampon in for too long has it's own consequences. .most importantly they smell bad...really foul smell....change your pads often,use vaginal washes and wipes,wear dark drawers,and when u wash them hang then in the sun...when u wash your #vagina, spend extra time on the lips and the pubic hairs (that's if you keep a forest..*wink wink*.....or even a Mohawk!)...and always do a sniff test afterwards...it's very necessary! You should study your #body as a woman.explore your whole body. .stand in front of a mirror and examine every bit,even your pubes ....know what turns you on..most women are uncomfortable with touching themselves but it's got to be done ..if you don't know what turns you on how would you 'show ' your man?..a lot of women are sexually ignorant and unsatisfied and it shouldn't be so. ..i cant advice men cos what do i know?!!!..so YOYO!..you are on your own..sorry!..lol
          Our mothers didn't #teach us cos they didn't know any better...their #mothers didn't teach them either...hmmmm....sex is important so why cant we talk about it?!!!!.....why don't we talk about it openly without cringing. .why can't we talk about it without having to feel like a you're a slut or something...it's so frustratingly frustrating!.we don't wana talk about it yet we do have #sex..every one of us on this planet was born as a result of sex between our parents..people have all kinds of sexual preferences...some weird. .some kinky. .some boring..some down right scary!..to each his own!...we can't ignore sex and its consequences'..its #pleasures...its benefits..our young #women coming up are the ones i weep for cos they don't have any better example to emulate...the girls are ignorant and the boys expect them to know what sexual acts to perform on them and even how to respond..go figure!..our generation should sit up..we should read more and impart it on/to them....they need it...women need it...some women wont complain seeing as they are in the dark..they don't know what they are missing...sex education is a must..for health reasons..for hygienic reasons.. for pleasure..for procreation..for empowerment...i could go on!...I am always all about #womenempowerment...call me a #feminist...I will thank you!....shalom....#gaylesgifts #gaylesgold #sextalk #talksex

Wednesday 4 October 2017

FUCK HIM,FEED HIM.....AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!

             I was at a party few days ago and i was privileged to be in the company of  some very influential people...mostly men!...it is a MAN'S WORLD they always say anyway!..So of course the convos veered  towards relationships and marriage and love and anything else in between.The most topic we really delved into was men and how they are so into what they see..they almost all agreed it was difficult for a man to be in a monogamous relationship because they were wired to respond to sight yet wouldn't want their female partners to do same.Every man has the woman they love and the rest is for 'play'...so i asked 'if men react to sight how would a women know she was 'the one' for keeps?'...they said 'fuck him,feed him and leave him alone!
          And i was like you guys make it sound so easy!..let me try and break it down .....................see if I can enter a man's mind!
         1.FUCK HIM.....ofcos!..it goes without saying!...heheheheh....I'm sure every man has his sexual preference..I don't think one man can speak for all men but I'm sure most men have sale things in common...every guy goes for the boobs during foreplay..ladies,am I right?...or am I right!. .*wink wink*......I'm wondering though, is it the amount of times you 'fuck' him or is the quality of the sex that I important to him?...most men complain their women don't participate in the sexual act and that's a deal-breaker for them...phew!....e hard oo! ...if the woman tells you her sexual preference you'll say she's promiscuous or 'rotten ' and if she's 'docile' you'll say she's frigid. ..did we go or did we come  (pun intended!)?. .the guys at the party were mostly married but had some side action going on..sidekicks!....are they a blessing or a curse? ...cos some actually 'charge ' for their 'favors'...hmmmm....imagine this..he's married to his wife for 19years,what does he need a side chick for?if he's not getting what he wants from his wife,why be with her for that long? But being together for that long must mean she's worth keeping,right? Unless the wife's sex game got boring or something !help me out here, guys!
               2.FEED HIM.....I have always heard from a lot of angles that 'the way to a mans heart is his stomach'..But then i know most women who are top cooks who couldn't keep their man.Unless its a special type of food..or maybe that's why some men end up having affairs with their house helps because they cook their foods?i also heard stories where a man stopped eating his wife's or partner's food because he didn't love her anymore.so maybe there really is a connection there to some point i know they'll say 'men are simple creatures'..eeeerrrrrrmmmmm..............nah!..men are babies but dont want you to be their 'mother' when it suits them...but mothers 'feed' babies,no?....chale,this topic confuses me by the day!maybe in the next life i should 'come' as a man!...maybe I'll have a better understanding of them...that's how fascinated I am by the male specie. ..i think men are an enigma....if you disagree or agree, lets hear your views in the comment box..
            3.LEAVE HIM ALONE.......I believe it means don't nag him in anything...as a woman though if u really like a guy I bug him when he upsets me ..in the other hand if i don't give a rat's arse about him whatever he does won't upset me..I won't waste my time letting him know what he did to upset me...so if i 'leave u alone' ,i really LEAVE U ALONE!...I think talking and arguing and fighting is normal cos that's how you'll know each other's buttons...when you know that you learn not to push each other's buttons...every relationship has its good and bad days. .it can be stressful and tasking emotionally and we suffer psychologically. ..admitting it frees your soul..bottling it up kills you slowly inside....when a woman stops nagging men be worried cos it means she's given up on u..doesn't necessarily mean she hates u ,it just means she's tired...so please men,don't ask us to 'leave u alone'...there should be a sort of compromise I think...try and meet us halfway. .we don't choose who [m] we love...we don't need people by accident. .every meeting was meant to happen..so let's not beat ourselves up if things didn't go well...when relationships turn sour maybe it's meant to be...it's not fun but it's life...it's great when both parties want the relationship and fight for it..cos you both feed off each other's vibes ...but when one gives up it doesn't need to be world war two to break things off...it's always hard to let go of what you thought might have been the potential love of your life..it's really hard..feelings cant be faked..most times we pretend it's all good but when we are alone we cry into our pillows..let's be real with our feelings...life is too short to stay mad for long with people we care for cos tomorrow is not promised..we all make mistakes. .we all have our faults...we all have our individual madness...and demons...some scarier than other's. ..but i know that that special person who taught me 'tell the truth and the truth shall set u free'  gave me a rare gift...sometimes it doesn't end well cos everyone was raised differently and understands things differently but the truth  really sets you free!..and I'll always ALWAYS choose that path!
            So men does 'feed him,fuck him,leave him alone' really work?is that all it takes to 'keep' your man?is that why our men always use the 'submission' line on us women?even when it's not feasible? and what about women and what we need our guys to do to keep us?or don't they need to earn our love?what do we get in return if we do all these three things?how about his character?how about how men respond to women's needs?are men and women really meant to be together?cos sometimes relationship causes more harm than good..even the so-called perfect ones leave some damage behind....I have been genuine about my feelings for each and every guy I have ever dated..that i know..but did they know?did they believe me?did they have doubts?or maybe it didn't work cos I didn't give them all three wishes..who knows!...I'll try and do better...do same..my buddy  said impatience,repulsion, being argumentative,quick tempered,pretty demanding,materialistic, being unhygienic etc are some of the attributes of a woman that puts men off...but i know most men also have those attributes and most women are put off by them..it goes both ways...he said men are also intimidated by confident women..is it our fault?..being confident doesn't necessarily  mean i dont need to be taken care of by a man...it means i am strong enough to support you and be a team..men have their roles and so do women...men can not do everything a woman can do and vice versa..dont get it twisted.men need women and women need men...thanx for reading..#shalom