COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

#communication is a form of conveying your thoughts to another person..it could be a #request, a #response to a #question,a #reaction to a situation,expression of joy or displeasure..even #silence is a form of communication..the list is endless....#babies, and even animals communicate. .watch for e.g. a dog who is on heat and has spotted a bitch it wants to mount..study 'his" behaviour and 'her' reaction. .you self you go trust!..lol.. About 80% of human communication is by body language and the remaining 20% is by word of mouth and actions. .it's very easy to misconstrue someone's thoughts or actions or reactions or #intentions if they don't #communicate properly...#words and #bodylanguage and appropriate #actions to buttress your intentions work well together..one cannot be effective without the other..i call it 'words without meaning'...
    Men and women are very different on so many grounds but individually everybody is different because we were all raised differently..even siblings who were raised in the same household grow up to manifest their experiences in different ways..any time i reacted differently from all my siblings in any situation,my sister would always say to me ' but Gayle we were all raised in the same environment! '..she didn't understand why I reacted the way i did or do...it's because I'm more #sensitive and wired differently from the others..sometimes reactions could be a cry for #attention or a way of seeking approval or #support...or understanding. .everybody on this earth has been hurt by someone one way or the other simply because they had 'expectations '...that word has been put in such a bad light that now people are advised not to 'expect' nothing in a relationship. .but i say if u expect nothing you get nothing..not even #respect...i dont expect to be disrespected by anyone,certainly not by any man.. ofcos i have standards and expecataions..so sue me!               Ladies,list your standards down,know them and stick to them!.African men believe they are entitled to certain #privileges just because they are men..they dont feel they have to #earn a woman's 'repect' and interest. .when a woman complains about that it's called 'nagging' but when a man does it is called .....................oh yeah,they dont hav a word for it!..i say men nag too!....so there!..babies 'expect' to be dry and fed all the time..if their #expectations are not met they cmmunicate their displeasure by screaming and you'll give them attention!.. #communication and #reaction....You don't hold it against them...when you offend somone and they react by showing you their displeasure the best thing to do is acknowledge your fault and apologise or talk about it and explain your actions..e.g. a guy plans to take you out but stands you up with no explanation and you react by showing how upset you are..being upset is the right reaction because he made you unhappy with his behaviour.but instead of him saying sorry or being remorseful he would say you should've asked him what happened before reacting..why wait to show remorse?why wait for someone to show displeasure with u when you can avoid that by just communicating?
       Nobody seeks for permission to react..if someone does something positive for/to you ,you show happiness and appreciation right there and then!it's a reflex action..on the flip side if you did something nice for that same person will you ask them to ask you why you were nice before they showed their happiness ?.infact you will expect them to be happy.reactions are #instantaneous ..You don't even think about it...response to good is positive and response to bad is negative...it is what it is..acknowledge your mistakes and 'take your medicine like a man'!...we can only understand each other if we are considerate of each other's feelings..arguments are good because it makes you know what the other person likes and doesnt like so you avoid pusshing each other's buttons. Sometimes we step on each other's toes without realizing it but if we don't communicate and expect the other person to just know how you feel you'll be setting yourself up for a big disappointment. .nobody is a mindreader..the offendee should give the offender a chance if they want to explain their actions and appreciate the effort because we all make mistakes..avoiding the issue or 'sweeping it under the carpet' is the order of the day..and where did that leave us today?nowhere!..it didn't solve anything...a #problem shared is a problem half solved.
       Alot of us have bottled up our feelings because we are afraid of being judged or mocked..mentally lots of people are in pain and #suffering in silence. .#especially in marriages..keeping quiet is not the best answer..the #misery eats u up and you'll become a very unhappy person or worse commit suicide..lots of #people these days are existing instead of living..walking dead..'for better or for worse has to be scrapped from the wedding vows' because it is causing more harm than good. .'for worse' doesnt mean you should beat her up nor she should stay with you inspite of that.someone may end up being beaten to death..#abuse is abuse!mentally, physically or otherwise..and shouldn't be tolerated by anybody (men and women)..yes some men get abused in relationships by their/some women ..#psychological therapy in Ghana is not in our culture though..all our problems are attributed to the devil or some poor old woman somewhere who has been branded a witch..most pastors blame your problems on witches in your family..what is a witch anyway?and what is it they do in their 'realm' anyway?do they chant? Cast spells?what is their costume of operation?a long black coat and a long pointed black hat?well that is what I read in some books when I was younger..watched them in some movies too..those were fairy tales though..but in Africa it is a different ball game.I really wish someone will show me how the witches operate..the accoutrements they use in their 'craft' etc..I'm that curious .You can't live in Africa and not have their superstition rub off on you..Your aunty or mum will caution you to avoid a certain relative because he or she is a witch! And so you find youself avoiding that person!.
        I always MAINTAIN there is a #physical and a #spiritual world..everything that happens shouldn't necessarily be put down to some spiritual #influence. .there are things humans are capable of doing in their human form. .if u stand infront of a moving vehicle and pray all the prayers ,the car WILL hit you and you WILL suffer the #consequences. .dont get it twisted!..let's try to be real with one other in our interactions. .be #honest, #sincere, #truthful..if you are displeased show it,if you are sad,express it.If you are happy communicate it..let's stop pretending..everyone has #faults and imperfections. .be yourself,because everyone else is taken..you will mess up one time or the other,be nice when You do and the world would be better for us all..listen,process,repond..shalom .. ..#gaylesnotes #gaylesthoughts #gaylesgold #gaylesgist #soultosoul #relationshipthings